Throwback Thursday From December 2016 – “I Have Not Done This Well”
OK, WE HAVE CHRISTMAS OUT OF THE WAY. The eggnog has been thankfully disposed of until next year. Christmas carols are over until Thanksgiving – except on the Hallmark Channel. New Year’s Day kind of takes care of itself with football, aspirin and drawn shades. I guess our next societal obligation is the making of New Year’s Resolutions. I suggest doing that before going out on New Year’s Eve. Doing it after that carries the danger of it being a product of desperation, shame, and physical pain.
I know that the whole concept of making resolutions is to make us into better people, but if it worked we wouldn’t be having pretty much the same list year after year, after year, after year, after year…
My list of New Year’s Resolutions is virtually unchanged for the last fifty years – except for that part about Ann-Margret.
I did a little digging in the Krafty Archives and found my list of New Year’s Resolutions from 1972 – back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
1.) Lose Weight – Yeah, I’m still working on that one.
It sounds deceptively simple and attainable, but then so does flying. “Just flap your arms.”
2.) Go to Hollywood and be a Star – That worked out really well, didn’t it?
Two Indie Films and a Music Video.
3.) Find a better barber – That’s getting to be a moot point these days.
4.) Learn French – “Como esta usted, Señor?”
The part about losing weight has moved from being a New Year’s Resolution to an order from every doctor I know – including my optometrist. I have lost weight – thousands of pounds over the years. Losing weight isn’t all that hard. I think I should change the resolution to read, “Don’t gain weight.” That’s really more to the point.
On that old list from 1972 I had “Get more involved in Politics.” I added that after I received one write-in vote for State Supreme Court Justice in Ohio. I knew a lot of heavy drinkers back then. That was the extent of my political career. The more I looked into it the less I wanted to be around those people.
I feel the same way today. Nothing has changed, except the increased likelihood of gunfire.
You would think that after all these years I would have come to the conclusion that making New Year’s Resolutions was a futile exercise. It has been so for me. While the concept is fine my execution has been lousy. Perhaps I need to make some changes?
So, for this coming year I will make a new list.
1.) Avoid doctors who keep telling me to lose weight.
2.) Watch only movies that I could have been in – and done better.
3.) Be glad that getting my hair cut takes less than ten minutes.
4.) Learn Spanish – “Sacre′ Bleu!”
5.) Accept the fact that Ann-Margret is 75 years old.
For the day after Christmas Day I enjoyed reading some humor!! I especially liked number 3 on your 2017 Resolution list. You know, the haircut thing. Funny thing, the last time I got a haircut I asked the Barber why he, and other Barbers, don’t have a discount for near-bald people. He didn’t answer me. I told him he could really improve business by advertising $5 haircuts for senior men, instead of all of us having to pay $10 for 15 minutes of professionalism. $40 an hour!
Sure was quite in the Shop for the longest time.
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