No ___, Sherlock!
I SAW A NEWS STORY the other day that was…I can only describe it as sphincter clenching.
It appears that a “Scientist” in Japan has announced that he has been able to create yummy steaks made entirely from human feces.
I know – that was my first reaction too.
One Mr. Mitsuyuki (A name that says it all) Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory (not Lavatory) after much hands on work and creative chemistry has created a new “textured meat” product. He takes, you know what, lets some bacteria go first, then adds soy protein (I knew that had to be in there somewhere), then through a “Reaction Enhancer” where it is turned into “meat” and finally it is “extruded through an exploder.”
I’ve had days like that.
Mr. Ikeda then adds red food coloring to make it look more comforting. (I’m sorry Mr. Ikeda it is too late for “comforting.)
In initial testing, the people who volunteered to chow down on this stuff, “Found the steak to taste somewhat like beef.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to be hitting the Kroger “Meat” Department any time soon looking for this stuff.
I do have one question: What is it with Japanese scientists? First it was Godzilla, and then it was Hello Kitty, which they insist isn’t a kitty, and now it is this “Tokyo Pot Roast.” Allow me to float a theory here: Could this all be a subtle revenge for, you know, Enola Gay and all that? I’m just wondering.
I’m no food connoisseur – not by a long shot, but one has to draw the line somewhere. I’d bet that the Donner Party and that soccer team stranded in the Andes would have said, “No, Thanks. I’ll pass,” rather than bite into one of Mr. Ikeda’s “Log Kebobs.”
The closest I’ve ever come to anything even remotely like this was the day I was starving to death and I stopped in at the Rally’s Drive-Thru and ordered the “Big Buford Special.” I didn’t know who Big Buford was, but considering the physical impact of his Special I now suspect that he was really Mr. Ikeda here in the US getting educated at UCRA. (Go ahead throw stones. It’s an old joke.)
Because things like Mr. Ikeda’s creation have a way of creeping into dark corners of the marketplace I think that I, along with millions of others, are going to have trouble ever going for a meal at the “Outback Steak House” ever again. It’s just too – close for comfort.
Am I right?
Does a bear…
Oh, one last thing. In case you think I’m making up all of this – here is the link to the story about Mr. Ikeda and his “meat.” And that is his picture up top.