I’ve Got An Idea! Work With Me.
I WENT TO THE POST OFFICE this morning and I learned something new. Not a something I ever expect to utilize myself in its present form, but you never know.
I was standing in line behind a young woman, calmly waiting my task to return an item from a botched EBay transaction. When it was her turn at the counter she presented her little pink slip of paper to pick up a package that her “letter carrier” had not delivered.
The interesting part of all of this happened when the clerk brought out her package – a very large package – a very large and noisy package. The clerk asked the young lady, “What in the world do you have in here?” She replied, “Two hundred and fifty-five live baby chickens.”
She continued, “At least I hope they’re all alive.”
And then the clerk said, “We can’t guarantee that.”
I once tried to mail a plastic bottle of shampoo to someone and I got five pounds grief from the postal clerk. You would have thought I was trying to mail dynamite to the Taliban.
I’ll bet I could not mail two hundred and fifty-five fried chickens to anybody, but live birds, Let ‘er rip!
As the young lady walked past me on her way out I got an olfactory message that said that not all of the chicks made the trip intact or that they had all stopped off for cheap Mexican food on the way. It was…aromatic.
After visiting the Post Office/Old McDonalds Farm I continued on to St. Arbucks for a good stiff Café Americano.
I mentioned this business to the barista. Her response was, Oh, sure. My father is in the chicken business and does that all the time. Last year he even mailed a live ostrich.”
Her fellow barista, and novitiate in the Order of the Little Sisters of the Venti Cup chimed in with, “It’s legal to mail monkeys too.”
Why not? Let’s slap some stamps on a Gila Monster and drop him in the mail box!
My question is this: If it is legal to mail chickens, ostriches, and even monkeys for crying out loud – why can’t I just box myself up and air mail my charming self and the Lovely Dawn to Las Vegas? It’s gotta be cheaper than buying a seat on any airline, and if I pack a lunch we would eat better. I could even take along my own little packages of peanuts and a couple soft drinks. And we’d get to keep the whole can, not just one of those cheap plastic “glasses” they get from the Dollar Store.
We’d also get to ride up that little conveyor belt into the airplane. It looks like fun.
I think I’m on to something here. I even have the perfect piece of music to use in the advertising campaign – a song by Woody Guthrie no less!
This is an idea that’s time has come. I think.
Are you with me on this?