Are We There Yet?
I SAW AN INTERESTING STORY in the News a few days ago. An executive in the Russian railroad industry has floated a proposal suggesting that a highway be built that would run from London to New York City. Not across the Atlantic Ocean – No, but across Asia through Siberia to a nice new bridge across the Bering Strait into Alaska and then across Canada and U.S. territory and into Manhattan in time for dinner.
That is 12,910 miles to you and me.
This scheme was unveiled at a meeting of the Moscow-based Russian Academy of Science by Russian Railways President Vladimir Yakunin. There were no details available about how much vodka was consumed at this get-together. My bet on the over/under on this would still be in the multiple tanker truckload range.
When I first saw this story my initial thought, which I mentioned to my wife, “The Rev” aka Dawn, was that this project was going to call for the building of a minimum of a thousand new Cracker Barrel Restaurants.
I do concede that such a highway, while horrendously impractical, would provide an economic boon to various industries. I cannot even imagine how many people would be hired in China to supply all of the fake Americana for the restaurants. Tens of thousands of old-timey rocking chairs too.
I don’t let my brain think about what a family road trip would be like. It’s tough enough driving a backseat full of kids to Orlando. I shudder at the thought of trying to head for Summer Vacation in Vladivostok.
“Are we there yet?”
“Sally just touched me!”
“I think I have to pee.”
“You should have thought of that before we left Irkutsk.”
Just try to keep the kids amused. “Let’s all look for foreign license plates!”
“But we haven’t seen a car for 800 miles, Daddy!”
“12,910 bottles of beer on the wall. 12,910 bottles of beer!”
Oh, yeah, this is a real good idea.
I find it interesting that this whole highway half the circumference of the globe idea has been put out there by a guy from the railroad industry. Is he looking to put himself out of work or has he been secretly buying stock in the company that supplies of all that ultra thin toilet paper found only at highway rest stops?
If I want to go from London to New York City, or vice versa, I would not want to drive via Dr. Zhivago-land – and France. I would fly. Also, I would probably fly out of Newark. It’s easier than battling with the NYC airports.
I truly believe that this is an idea whose time will not come until the Cubs win the World Series, Hell freezes over, and all of the cows come home.
Let’s see a show of hands. While driving 12,910 miles, how many times would you hear, “Are we there yet?”
I mean, before you pull over and just silently walk off into the tundra?