Look It Up They Went Down

I KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE THINK I NEVER DO RESEARCH – that I just make up everything.

Quelle wrongo, my friend.

When I have to do research on any topic prior to writing I can truthfully say that my research is extensive. The only question comes from finding a common definition of extensive. If I am researching to determine today’s date the “Extensive” part lasts only as long as it takes me to look at the calendar. If, on the other side of that coin, I am looking into the origin of the universe, my purpose in life, or the reason for Pauly Shore’s career, the meaning of “Extensive” can become rather…extensive.

My skills in doing research are not perfect. I admit that, but I am better than most…a lot…some…television networks. I don’t make many errors of “Commission,” but I may have a little problem now and then with “Omission.” I generally blame my sources for that. If their data slops over onto a second page I may not get there in time.

I don’t have all day, People! I have a life to lead.

Even though I have flaws I am a forgiving sort when I see flaws in other people’s research. I saw a perfect example of that this morning.

I felt a tiny smirk coming on when I discovered that I am a graduate with a B.A. degree and what I am about to relate to you came from an Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School.

Na,Na,Na,Na Boo Boo

This Professor conducted a research study showing that jumping out of an airplane wearing a parachute is no more effective at assuring your survival than having only an empty backpack.

What! How can that be? But…But…But…the research was done by a Harvard Professor!

So what?

If I had just read about this and not conducted my own EXTENSIVE research I would not have learned more about this study.

While the actual data was technically accurate there was a quirk in the set up of the experiment used to get their facts and figures.

You see…

They had 23 volunteers, randomly assigned, who agreed to jump from an aircraft – some wearing parachutes and others wearing empty backpacks. It didn’t take long to get results. I would think not.

The fuzzy lollipop in this whole shebang was that the airplane never left the ground. The volunteers, all

of them, were in Freefall for about two feet.

That little bit of squelching information didn’t appear until page two (the graveyard of OOPS! information).

Looking at all of this from a strictly academic point of view a conclusion can be and was arrived at.

There were no injuries, thank heaven, and the results confirmed the initial premise: Parachutes offer no more protection than empty backpacks when leaping from an aircraft.

I’ve never met these Researchers and I probably never will, possibly at their insistence. They have their bailiwick, I have mine. They are Harvard People, I am Terre Haute (That’s French for, “When do we take off?”).

I will continue to do research My Way.

Do Be Do Be Do.

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