I Think The Dragon’s Name Is “Norman.”
I think it has been going on since before the invention of Television.
My wife, the lovely and Plotline Coordinating, Dawn, and I have been periodically binge watching “Game of Thrones” for years and I have come to realize something:
It doesn’t matter if I miss some episodes, fall asleep, or leave the room while it is on because there is absolutely no continuity to the story – or stories. Plots start, develop, and then disappear in a puff of Dragon fire, never to be seen again.
Characters step to center stage for a few episodes, then – poof! They vanish as completely as if they had been traded to the Seattle Mariners. And then – just as suddenly, they reappear after a couple of years without any explanation beyond something as lame as, “I was praying,” or “I was stuck in line at Chick-fil-A.”
The guy who has been writing all of this has got to be tired of trying to have it make sense anymore. I’m sure that he is raking in considerable cash for continuing to crank out each new episode. More power to him. I’d probably do the same – only I’d put in better jokes.
It has reached the point where characters who have been killed off are brought back to life if a sufficient number of viewers write in and complain. It has become “Script Writing by Mob Rule.”
We were watching the show last night – several episodes actually – and one character (Lady Cowlip of Angina, I believe) was stabbed in the gut, with blood everywhere, and she still managed to run and jump her way through a five minute chase scene. Me? I stop and curl up into the fetal position if I get a papercut.
Perhaps I’m being too harsh. After all, if you are going to invest the time to watch a 37 Season Long soap opera with dragons popping up every now and then to toast some bad guys, you’ve got to cut it some expansive slack. I mean, really, a soap opera is what it is. If “Dallas” could write off an entire Primetime season as one character’s bad dream, the Game of Thrones can slice and dice some guy named “Snow” and then give him a jump start back to life and a return to center stage. Why not?
The fact that I remember the character’s name was “John Snow” is a major feat. There have been, literally, hundreds of characters waltz through the action and John Snow was the only one with what passes as a real name. The rest of them have complex, fantastic names like “Thrognarl of Benzedrine,” or “Lady Gangslobber of Roachclip.” I have yet to hear anyone turn to another character and say, “Hey, Bob, what’s new?” or “Here comes Mary.” Nope. It’s always “The Framistans from North of the Wall are at war with the Aluminum Icetrays of Chimichanga. Should we loan them a dragon or two?”
Speaking of dragons. A while back I gave a critique to a young writer I know who works in the Fantasy genre. I noticed in his work that whenever he wrote himself into a corner, and all forward literary motion stopped, he would simply introduce a new dragon and off and running he would go. I think that the fellow who writes Game of Thrones has reached the point of creative impotence and he is doing the same thing. Bring in a new dragon!
Last night there was a scene where the young, blonde queen in need of an eyebrow plucking, Queen Ben-Gay of Mookie or someplace, was marching along with her troops and they just stopped and were standing around like they were all waiting for the bus. At this point, the young queen tells her top kick, “I’ll be right back,” and she rides off alone. Ten seconds later she returns astride the back of a huge, and seriously scaly, dragon that she apparently had stashed around the corner. Then, standing on the dragon, she delivers a rip-roaring stem-winder of a speech to her troops. It was all in a fictional language with subtitles and it got the soldiers all worked up and ready to fight. I couldn’t follow it all because the subtitles flew by faster than the dragon. To me she sounded more like a lunch hour waitress yelling orders to the cook in a Bulgarian restaurant. But it worked for her and her army of soldiers who were all paid Screen Extras Guild union contract minimum and then fed.
I’m sure that we will continue to watch Game of Thrones until the bitter end. Whether that is the show’s bitter end or ours I’m not sure.
I need a coffee refill to stay awake for the next dragon scene. I want to see how the queen holds onto the dragon’s back when it pulls a 180 degree turn at top speed.