Elmer Fudds Of The World, Unite
I SAW THE MOST INTERESTING STORY this morning on our TV.
It seems that the State of Illinois has a coyote problem. I’m not talking about those people who smuggle other people across the border although I’m sure that might be a concern as well. No, I’m talking about those bushy-tailed furry critters that we usually associate with cowboy movies. The State reports that there are approximately 30,000 coyotes residing in the Land of Lincoln. That’s quite a bunch of predators roaming around Illinois (who aren’t holding elective office).
I know that there are coyotes in the Terre Haute area (That’s French for “We’re not Illinois.”). Coyotes have been seen roaming around our neighborhood and I know of four that have been shot and killed right by a nearby Wal-Mart store. So much for the friendly greetings at Wally-World.
Four coyotes here are nothing compared to the 30,000 across the Illinois State Line just eight miles from when I sit.
The news story I saw this morning stated that the Powers That Be in Illinois are taking action. It has been legal in Illinois to hunt coyotes with rifles. It was also legit to use a bow and arrow, but only during certain times. That is about to change.
From now on it will be legal in Illinois to hunt coyotes with just about anything from a ball peen hammer on up to, and possibly including, thermonuclear weapons. They’re getting serious over there.
I do not expect the coyotes to go down without a good fight. 30,000 Wily E. Coyotes can get a lot of firepower through the mail from the Acme Company. This whole thing could get very ugly.
If I was living in Illinois and knew that it was now open season on coyotes I would be very concerned that there were going to be thousands of Elmer Fudds tromping through my back yard asking me to be, “Vewwy, vewwy quiet.”
They may bag a bunch of coyotes, but I would be anxious that many cows, trees, and family pets are going to bite the big one. Every dog and cat bigger than a pot roast is going to be fair game to some hunters.
I equate this carte blanche on coyote scalps as comparable to opening up the Indy 500 race to every sixteen year old with a drivers license and an open six-pack of Old Milwaukee – on a Saturday night – while Bogarting a doobie the size of a Louisville Slugger. It ain’t gonna be pretty.
I wish the people, and the animal population, of Illinois all the best. I know that they mean well, but somehow, those folks end up making a mess of things. How else can you explain that, a few years ago, the federal prison here in Terre Haute (That’s French for “Assume the position.”) housed three ex-governors of Illinois all at the same time.
This may just be a rumor, but I have heard that of the 30,000 coyotes in Illinois – half of them are already registered to vote in Chicago.