Good Fences Make Good Doggie Toys

IS IT SOMETHING I SAID? Did I cross some obscure interspecies wires somehow? Why is that darn mini-horse/dog taking over a part of every day in my life?

Zeus: The dog that could eat Chicago if he knew where it was.

The Worst I’ve Ever Seen

LAST WEEK WE HAD TO DRIVE from Terre Haute (That’s French for “The gas is the pedal on the right, Dummy.”), up into western Michigan. It wasn’t a bad drive except for the area in and around Indianapolis.

I have driven in major urban areas for years, ranging from New York City, Washington DC and Los Angeles to Boston and San Francisco and I have never seen worse drivers than those in Indianapolis.

And that is saying somethin’!

You Are Not Pizza

I WENT TO SEE MY NUTRITIONIST yesterday morning. His task is to help me to change my eating habits, thereby losing weight, thereby lowering my blood pressure, thereby continuing to be alive.

So far so good.

Last Week In A Strange Land

LAST WEEK, while in the aforementioned Adrian, Michigan, I was simultaneously in a foreign and alien world: The presence of a serious LA Dodger fan. Don’t worry – I had my shots before going.

Twenty Years Is But A Moment

For some people twenty years can seem to be a very long time. For others it is just a moment ago, still fresh on the senses.

Before I retired I had a client family where the past was there in every second of every day. In 1995 the mother had gone to work one morning and then her world erupted.

Adrian, Yo, Adrian!!

FOR THE LAST FEW DAY we have been in Adrian, Michigan. It is a small college town just across the state line from Ohio, about 300 miles from Terre Haute (That’s French for “What? Another train?).

No ___, Sherlock!

I SAW A NEWS STORY the other day that was…I can only describe it as sphincter clenching.

It appears that a “Scientist” in Japan has announced that he has been able to create yummy steaks made entirely from human feces.

I know – that was my first reaction too.

Oh My, That Smells Good

LAST SATURDAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS that are just on the edge of indescribable. I mean that in a good way. Last Saturday we staged “The Second Annual Bacon Fest.” Terre Haute never smelled so good – and that is not something often spoken aloud around here.

Smile! Click.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.

“What the heck is that?”

I grant you that it looks like a photo of some lint that I took with my phone while it was in my pocket. It isn’t. I’ve taken pictures of my lint and it looks better than this.

Courtesy of NASA – This is the first color photograph ever taken of Pluto (you know, that place that used to be a planet) and its moon, Charon. If this a “color” photo I must assume that the colors are black and white.

Game of Outlander

I HAVE TO ADMIT that my wife and I have been watching both the never-ending saga of “Game of Thrones” and the ongoing dramatization of “Outlander.” My head is spinning in confusion.

Holy Hilarity Sermon 4/12/2015

For today I am posting the sermon delivered by my wife, The Rev Dawn, this past Sunday for “Holy Hilarity Sunday.”

It is worth reading, my friends.

HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED and thought about why you love the things you love? 

Support Your Local Kool-Aid Stand

The other day the temperature got into the 70s and I was actually able to go out wearing one of my Hawaiian shirts (Wal-Mart Wonders) without feeling cold or having people stare. They do that anyway, but we’ll save that for another day.

Good boy, Down boy, Sit, Stay, Kill

 

I LIKE DOGS. I LIKE CATS. I like most animals. Some I like as pets – others I like as an entrée. There are several in our neighborhood that are blurring those lines for me.

I Gotta Get Some Rest

Ever since early November I’ve been getting a good six to eight hours of sleep a day. Now that is all shot to pieces. Baseball season has started.

I can see you scratching your head and saying to yourself, “What the heck is this idiot blathering about now?” Don’t deny it. I know that is what I would be doing if the blog was on the other foot. Let me explain.

A Love That Dare Not Speak – Period

ONE OF THE MAJOR BENEFITS of being married is that you don’t have to be dating. That particular nightmare is over and done with.

We’ve all been through the perils of dating: Dating someone who turned out to be seriously crazy; Dating someone whose idea of a good time involved pain, minor wounds and a tetanus shot (maybe that was just me.); Dating someone who was either too young or too old for you. You should never date someone who doesn’t know any of the same songs you do.

And finally: You should never date outside of your own species. I’m as open minded as the next guy, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

Let me explain.

It Ain’t Gonna Happen. Don’t Even Ask

OK, I’LL ADMIT THIS UP FRONT – today’s blog comes under the heading of “Geezer Rant.” There is no great social content, no thunderbolts of wisdom, not even anything that might be worth putting on a T-shirt.

A Scene From “Haight Street”

This selection from my work in progress, “Haight Street” is a cutting where my main character, Marlee, joins the crowd at the annual Haight Street Fair. And the music draws her in…

It was almost noon when Marlee slipped her key into the door lock and heard its reassuring click. She went quickly down the steps onto Haight Street. The early morning breeze had softened. Things were going to get hot.

A steady and growing flow of people was heading up the street toward the Fair. The one block between her apartment at Central Street and Masonic was packed with humanity of all ages and descriptions. If a social scientist wanted a good definition of “diversity,” today on Haight Street was it.

The Masonic stage was hosting a Salsa band called “Baila! Baila!” and dozens of people were following their admonition and dancing up a storm in front of the bandstand.

Marlee joined the spectators watching the dancers. The joyful rhythm soon had her swaying to the music. She closed her eyes and moved her arms in synch with the beat. Marlee was already a big fan of the Haight Street Fair.

As soon as one song ended “Baila! Baila!” blasted off into another frantically danceable tune. The crowd whooped its approval, Marlee included. Her eyes were shining like emeralds in the midday sun.

She couldn’t stand still. The music had her and she started to dance by herself. In mere moments she was joined by a tall, shirtless young man. His skin was as black as the keys on a piano and his body sparkled with sweat. The sun reflected off his shaved head like a flashing coronet. He smiled at Marlee and took her hand and pulled her out into the middle of the street. She joined him, caught up in the unadulterated pleasure of dancing to celebrate the music and life.

The sight of these two contrasting beauties lost in the movement and the music had the onlookers applauding.

Marlee and her unknown partner spun and twirled together as if they had danced this way forever. He expertly led her through intricate moves. His signals gave Marlee all she needed to anticipate his next move and to follow him in a seamless, sensuous harmony. Their hips swayed and rolled, coming together momentarily then flying apart to rejoice in the rhythm. Her hair flew around in counterpoint to her body as she matched the sudden stops and reverses of her sinuous partner.

The music built to a crescendo and he pulled Marlee close as they spun around locked in each other’s arms. At the instant that the music screeched to a halt he slipped one hand down her back and prodded Marlee backward in a very erotic pose. The sudden silence found her looking up into his brown eyes, his lips a bare half inch from hers.

The crowd went wild, cheering and applauding. Even the band looked down and smiled in appreciation.

Her mysterious partner lifted Marlee back upright and in a very courtly gesture kissed her hand.

Marlee’s head was spinning. She looked at him and all she could say was, “Wow!”

She was not heard through the noise, but her smiling co-celebrant nodded and mouthed, “Thank you for the dance, my Dear.”

This was one of those perfect moments that come out of the right time, the right place and the right people to become a memory held forever.

The band started up again and they made eye contact. He gave her an inviting look, but Marlee was out of breath and demurred. He nodded and melted away into the kaleidoscope of dancers.

Marlee had not gone twenty feet into the Fair and was already enchanted. She bought herself an iced tea and found a mailbox to lean against. She needed a few minutes to come back to Earth.

Your Mileage May Vary

 

LATELY IT SEEMS that every time I turn on the TV I’m seeing ads for new prescription drugs. For the first ten seconds of the commercial I hear what the drug is for, and then for the next fifty seconds the voiceover races through a list of the side effects. They speak so fast that I can barely understand what is being said, but I could swear that I’ve heard the phrase, “Spontaneous Human Combustion” in there somewhere.

Are We There Yet?

 

I SAW AN INTERESTING STORY in the News a few days ago. An executive in the Russian railroad industry has floated a proposal suggesting that a highway be built that would run from London to New York City. Not across the Atlantic Ocean – No, but across Asia through Siberia to a nice new bridge across the Bering Strait into Alaska and then across Canada and U.S. territory and into Manhattan in time for dinner.

That is 12,910 miles to you and me.

I’ve Got An Idea! Work With Me.

I WENT TO THE POST OFFICE this morning and I learned something new. Not a something I ever expect to utilize myself in its present form, but you never know.