It’s Been A Long Time Coming

Don’t get all excited, but…I have a birthday coming up soon. If I make it to that date I will then be the oldest I have ever been in my entire life. I’m quite proud of that.

Getting old is not for sissies. It takes a lot of work – very time consuming work. Sometime I have to spend most of the day sleeping just to keep at it.

One tidbit of personal information – data, if you will, is that I have outlived every male in the family going back three generations – except for one uncle.

My Uncle Tony didn’t smoke. He didn’t drink. He didn’t run around with wild women. He lived until he was 90. We’re just not sure why.

In the planning for the upcoming celebrations for my birthday my wife, the lovely and much, much, much younger, Dawn, said that she was concerned about the birthday cake she had planned. She felt that not only would all of those candles set off the smoke alarm, but that it might be the first birthday cake visible from space. We think that we’ve solved the problem by skipping the candles altogether and using just one regulation sized Emergency Road Flare. I think it will be quite festive for about twenty minutes.

We are planning to have a small party. There will be singing and dancing. Not by me you understand? Experience has shown that whenever I sing and dance everyone thinks that I am having a seizure and I end up on the floor with a pencil jammed between my teeth. It’s not pretty.

One of The Usual Suspects at St. Arbucks asked me how long did I want to live. I could not resist telling him the old joke about that.

“I want to die at the age of 102  being shot to death by a jealous husband – and to have deserved it!”

HA – HA – HA

I usually try to keep my birthdays a low-key affair with minimal hoopla. A lifetime of observation has shown that whenever too many come together to celebrate things tend to get out of hand, but everyone still ends up having a good time, with minimal damage. Of course, some people can’t deal with the crowds and go to pieces.

I’m telling you all of this because I don’t want anyone to be concerned if you read or hear about disturbances in this part of the world – it’s just us getting down with our bad selves.

Every year I do have to reiterate that there is no need for anyone to send me birthday gifts. After all, what can you give a man who has everything – aside from antibiotics?

I have had to rent storage space to keep all of the gifts from previous years and it gets awkward. I mean, really, how many golden crowns does one need? Eventually it gets showy. However, I do understand that fondue sets are coming back into fashion.

Yes, another year, another orbit around the sun and where do you end up? Right back where you started.

And I can’t think of anyplace I’d rather be than with family and friends – except maybe on the beach in the South of France.

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