We’re Doomed! What’s For Lunch?

ICE? WHAT ICE? I DON’T SEE NO ICE.

I take that back – I see ice in my coffee, but there is no ice on the roads or on my windshield. I’m not complaining mind you. In fact, I am doing my Happy Dance – big time.

For the last week the Weather Bunny on Channel Two has been predicting that Terre Haute (That’s French for “What’s that floating in the Wabash?”) was going to be hit with several days worth of ice storms, Sleet, Freezing Rain and NCAA Athletes. I don’t mind the athletes, but the ice, sleet and freezing rain I can do without.

Those ice storms can really mess up your day. Nobody (Aside from stunt drivers and automotive body shops) likes to see cars sliding sideways down the street. Even the squirrels know enough to stay off the road when it gets icy. I’ve taken out a couple of small trees when I hit an icy patch. Everyone gets upset when that happens – me, the owner of the tree, the tree.

The predicted Ice-pocalypse did not appear. For once I was happy with the Weather Bunny. I honestly think that she conjures up her forecasts with one of those “Magic 8-Ball” things. I swear, if she was running the Sports Books in Nevada – Las Vegas would be a bankrupt ghost town.

Portions of the Midwest did get some serious ice and the TV news was filled with video clips of cars slipping and sliding. I assume the videos were from this current storm, but they could have been shots from anyplace and any year. You seen one, you seen ‘em all.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want it to seem like I’m picking on our beloved Weather Bunny, but every morning I get the feeling that her presence is part of a class project. I think her perkitude and cheerfulness is aimed at getting a better grade. I just wish she had a better batting average when it comes to the weather.

She predicted that we were going to be scrapping ice from our car windows for days. A forecast like that sends people scurrying off to buy food, toilet paper, and flashlight batteries in case the power goes out.

There was no ice storm and now our house, along with thousands of others, looks like the loading dock at Sam’s Club. Oh, well. I suppose all that shopping is good for the local economy. I just don’t know how long it will take me to eat up all those “Lunchables” before either they or I start to go bad.

In a way I admire our Weather Bunny. During all of this Weather Alert/ Warning/ Make A Will/ Ice Storm nonsense, she managed to pull it off without once tripping and falling while on the air. She has done that several times, stumbling on the cables on the studio floor and disappearing from view, doing a face-plant on the ground with a live microphone.

When Spring and Summer finally arrive in the Wabash Valley there will be threats of tornados, lightning, and frog choking rains. This will give the local TV talent more opportunities to hone their Meteorological skills as well as chances to go on the air and look somber. It is hard to watch our Weather Bunny’s predictions of imminent doom when her face looks like she just got elected Prom Queen and got a new puppy. If I’m about to be tornadoed into oblivion I want the person telling me to kiss my butt goodbye to look mildly concerned.

OK! OK! I’ll put away my grumpy old geezer hammer and tongs and relax until it’s time for another Lunchable.

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