I’m Not Good At Shopping

BLACK FRIDAY HAS PASSED and the Christmas Shopping Season has begun for most people. I try to hold off until December. I don’t like to do all of that while I’m still dealing with the effects of all that turkey.

“SUI” – Shopping Under the Influence SUI – it also sounds like somebody is calling the hogs. Disturbingly appropriate.

Like gazillions of other people I have started doing most of my Christmas shopping online. It’s easy. It’s economical – no driving all over town. And I can do while sitting there in my underwear. That is something I would never do while at the Mall – again. (Just kidding there)

No matter how I do my shopping the number of people I buy gifts for shrinks as the years pass.  I buy mainly for my wife, the lovely and every day is a holiday, Dawn, Alex our son, and a few other younger members of the family. I don’t buy gifts for anyone who is receiving Medicare or who has gray hair, or obvious Male Pattern Baldness. That leaves my list populated with nieces and nephews and a couple of cousins – removed or not. If you’re working for a living you are off the list.

This rather Draconian selection process creates its own set of problems. What does one buy for a set of twins who are just learning to walk? Basketball elbow and knee pads perhaps? What about for young people who have reached puberty and think everyone over thirty is the enemy? Antibiotics and the name of a good lawyer? That might be hard to wrap, but it is a good idea.

Yesterday I actually ventured out to a real brick and mortar store. I was looking for some boots – for myself. I went to one of those huge monster size Sporting Goods places that sells goods ranging from fish hooks  up to everything I would need if I was planning an assault on Mt. Everest. I figured that they would be a good place to find some nice sturdy boots. As I age and my joints get more wibbly-wobbly I need something to support my ankles.

The Mega-Store had a sizeable footwear department. I was feeling hopeful. The piped in Christmas music was prematurely annoying, but I tried to ignore it and carry on. I really don’t need to hear “Jingle Bell Rock” every ten minutes.

Anyway…

I did find several pairs of boots that looked promising, but I had trouble finding my size. A very nice young lady wearing the store uniform tried to help me. I wanted a size 10 Wide boot. I have feet like a duck – wide in front, narrow at the back. I didn’t tell her that my left foot is a good two sizes smaller. That info is on a “need to know” basis and she didn’t have a need.

She tried to find me something I could wear. She really did, but the boot manufacturers must think that everyone has nice narrow feet and sturdy ankles. When I found a promising boot the clerk would scamper off to see if they came in a Wide.

After a twenty minute battle I gave up. The very conscientious and helpful girl also gave up and suggested that I buy some sandals and a pair of thermal socks. I may have to go back to Wally World again. That seems to be the only place in town where I’m able to find shoes and boots that fit. Cheap and Ugly – those are my boots.

All of that is yet another reinforcing reason I am doing more of my shopping online. Going into stores is frustrating and more and more pointless. In my current mood it might be Amazon gift cards for everyone. It might be time to start teaching those year-old twins how to use a computer mouse. 

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