Down the Hall on Your Left

This site is a blog about what has been coasting through my consciousness lately. The things I post will be reflections that I see of the world around me. You may not agree with me or like what I say. In either case – you’ll get over it and I can live with it if it makes you unhappy. Please feel free to leave comments if you wish . All postings are: copyright 2014 – 2019

Archive for the tag “Shopping”

Thank God For The Snack Bar

Sams Club crowdSOME DAYS YOU HAVE TO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY SHORTS, grit your teeth and go into the eye of the storm. I did that yesterday. I made a conscious choice and, of my own volition, went into Sam’s Club.

Sam’s Club, the wholesale, really big box version of Wal-Mart, turns into a battlefield this time of year. By this time of year I mean that, while it is still early November for you and me, for Sam’s it is almost Christmas Eve. They are in full-tilt Christmas Shopping mode.

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There Is Music In The Air

mathis albumSOMETIMES I THINK THAT HEARSAY IS BETTER than actually being a witness to something. A couple of nights ago was one of those times.

Now, I want to put a Caveat, with a capital C, in play here. The following anecdote was told to me by one of the notorious Usual Suspects. For that reason alone I take it all with a fifty pound salt lick. A grain of salt is just not enough.

Let me begin.

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Mis-Matched Socks That Are Not Mine

Mismatched socksTHIS PAST SATURDAY WAS ONE OF THOSE MARATHON DAYS. I use the term Marathon in the sense of a long ordeal, because there is no way on earth you are ever going to get me to run 26 + miles for anything. In fact, you are not going to get me to run 26+ feet for anything. Let’s consider that issue settled, shall we?

Moving on –

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So That’s Why The Aisles Were Crowded

Grocery MoonwalkDATELINE: TWO DAYS AGO  —  ELECTION DAY.

Just as in towns and cities across the land it is Election Day in Terre Haute (That’s French for “This ain’t Chicago. One to a customer”).

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Attention Shoppers!

Black Friday Gif

 Boo!

There, now Halloween is officially over – the Pre-Season, if you will. It is time for the professionals to take the field. We are into the Big Time, Serious Holiday Season.

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God Is Still God

glovesNO MATTER WHERE WE HAVE BEEN – No matter where we are now – it is where we are going that matters more. We can’t change the past. Things will never be the way they once were, like it or not. Our Present is squeezed by so many outside forces that are beyond our control, but it is Tomorrow that we can plan for.

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I’m Packing It In

suitcaseWHEN I ASKED MY WIFE, the lovely and ever my Muse, Dawn, what I should write about for today, she said, “Write about how I am a Wizard at packing our suitcases for our Ireland trip.”

That is an abbreviated version of her reply. Her actual answer would have taken most of my 500 – 700 word self-imposed size limit for this blog.

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Sales By The Yard

MelmacTHIS PAST SATURDAY there was a neighborhood-wide “Yard Sale” in our part of town. In other areas of the country events like this are called, “Sidewalk Sales,” “Garage Sales,” or “This crap is going into the trash if nobody buys it.”

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I’d Rather Have Green Beans

giphy-6WE RECEIVED A COUPON IN THE MAIL the other day. It came from one of the Mega-Stores – those places that sell everything short of nuclear weapons and reasonably fresh green beans.

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So Much For That Idea

MeijersJUST YESTERDAY I SHOWED FIRM RESOLVE to not go out to the new Mega-store that just opened. I said that I would wait a month or so.

I must amend that timeline to read, “I’ll wait five hours or so….”

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A New Shiny Object

Parking lotTERRE HAUTE (That’s French for “I hope there is enough parking.”) is a town that loves something – anything, that is new. If you want to create a stir in this town just open a new store or restaurant.

“Build it and mail out coupons and they will come.”

— Paraphrase from “Field of Dreams”

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“A billion here, a billion there…sooner or later it adds up to real money.” — Senator Everett Dirksen

money coffee tableI JUST FINISHED CHECKING our lottery ticket to see if we had suddenly become the Nouveau Riche while sitting in the corner at St. Arbucks.

We didn’t.

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Batteries And Burgers

WHEN I WAS A KID, back when dinosaurs roamed the earfive guysth, there weren’t that many things that depended on batteries. Cars, of course, but after that it was down to transistor radios (under 30s – look it up), and some toys.

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But Wait! There’s More!

infomercialI WAS SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE the other morning, minding my own business and eating some grapes, when I turned on the TV and came in halfway through an Infomercial.

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Run That Past Me Again

20150710_181342I WAS INSIDE THE LOCAL Toys-R-Us store last Friday evening. My wife, the lovely and more socially adept, Dawn, was going to a baby shower on Saturday and wanted to pick up a few small items. I was going along to carry the bag. I’m good at that.

As Dawn was actively looking for the right stuff I was just wandering along and looking around with a lost look on my face.

And, oh, what wonders did I see.

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It’s “Lime Green Wednesday”

LEOPARD-AND-DIKDIKI PICKED “LIME GREEN WEDNESDAY” for no particular reason. If Black Friday can have a color, so can this super-duper sale day. If you want to call it something else, go ahead – I won’t object.

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A Rose Is A Rose Is A .357 Magnum

magazine rackI WAS WANDERING through the recently reconfigured aisles of the Kroger’s Supermarket this morning. Whenever they do make changes like that it takes a while for me to be able to find anything again. I end up having to go up and down all the aisles. I know that having me do that is the objective, but if I haven’t purchased canned lychee nuts  in the last forty years I probably won’t be doing so anytime soon.

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Has Anybody Seen The Olives?

Lost in the marketAS I’VE MENTIONED here before, my neighborhood Kroger supermarket has been undergoing a massive remodeling in an effort to keep up with a brand new competitor opening nearby. All in all, I am in favor of this, but I think it has gotten out of hand.

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My Holiday Shopping Tip

christmas-shopping mall

Christmas is hard upon us again and, with the dreaded “Black Friday” looming like a friend of your mother’s just waiting to pinch your cheeks, I offer some advice. The following is something I learned last year.

It was just before Christmas and I was down at the Mall with my wife doing some shopping and she took me into unexplored territory – Terra Incognita:  The Body Shop.

She said that she was looking for something “scented” for her friends.

“This is Cranberry/Tangerine, Dear. What do you think?”

“That would be good on toast,” I answered honestly. I’d missed breakfast.

“This is Pomegranate.”

“I don’t smell anything. Wait a minute… Nope, all I smell is that plastic cap.”

She gave me that look.

“Honest, Darlin’, I don’t smell anything. Maybe I’m not wired to smell Pomegranate. My people came from Eastern Europe. There were no Pomegranates in Lithuania. Maybe it’s genetic.”

I spent the next twenty minutes sniffing lotions, soaps and other stuff that I could not identify.

Here’s my point.

Men do not appreciate or in many cases even recognize “scents” and “aromas.”  Men are more…basic. We deal in smells.

Now, the Body Shop, wonderful company that it is, deals in scents and aromas that women buy, in large part, to make themselves appealing. It can’t be because they want to smell like the produce section at Kroger’s. It is to draw men closer. And here is where the system fails.

If women really want to be alluring to the nasal passages of men they should adorn themselves, not with scents and aromas, but with some really good smells.

What smells do men like?

Buffalo Wings.

Cash. (That was tough.)

What guy could resist sidling up to a gal who smelled like a large order of McDonald’s French Fries?

“Oh, yes, I do believe I’d like fries with that.”

Ladies — What about “That New Car Smell?”

But the ultimate in attractive smells…pay close attention, I’ve put some thought into this. If you want healthy, red-blooded, virile American men at your beck and call – before you leave the house, behind each ear, just put a little dab of: “Eau de Season Tickets.” You’ll have guys following you like bloodhounds after a wounded escapee.

That’s it in a nutshell – My Holiday Shopping Tip for this year. Forget the Old Spice. Forget that fifty buck pair of driving gloves. Get the man in your life a smelly, game used, uniform jersey from Pablo Sandoval or whichever sports figure he likes who sweats like a Bishop getting a lap dance.

No scents, no aromas, just some good old eye watering smells.

Merry Christmas and Play Ball!

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