An Open Letter To God
I DON’T USUALLY TRY TO SPEAK WITH You in such a public manner, but I just feel that this open letter might be the best way today. I hope that this is OK with You. Here goes.
God, I don’t want to interrupt You as You go about keeping the Universe in order and all that other stuff that You do, but I have a question – it’s a request actually – call it a prayer if that might help it to get Your attention.
Don’t You think that this winter has gone on long enough? I know that what we have gotten here in Terre Haute (French for “Snow Blower) is nothing compared to what has fallen on Boston. Those poor folks have really been given the fuzzy end of the lollipop this year. I know that You’ve probably heard from them, so I’ll leave that alone. I am asking strictly about Terre Haute.
This past Saturday we got about seven inches of snow. Have you ever looked at our driveway? It is nigh on impossible to navigate in that much snow. Our driveway is bad, but it ends at our little side street that never gets plowed. Spring is the city’s preferred method of clearing the side streets. While the main streets are quite passable, getting to them is a task. I’m driving a small Toyota that looks upon anything above two inches as Yeti Country. Thank God, er – You that my wife has an SUV with 4-wheel drive. Without that vehicle I think we might be faced with the specter of starvation, or at least coffee withdrawal.
I know that You’re a busy Deity and I know that You are omniscient, omnipotent, or one of those “omni” words that I don’t remember, but I gotta tell You – I’m “Omnifrozen.” This has been a very cold winter, and now we get blasted with heavy snow? True – I don’t shovel snow any more. I figure that is why You invented teenagers and guys with snow blowers – but this just doesn’t seem fair.
So – all I’m saying is that You have made your point – we all need to get 4-wheel drive vehicles. I’m sorry, but they don’t come cheap. If that wasn’t Your point I’ll have to do some thinking on it and I’ll get back to You.
In the meantime, can we have some warmer temperatures and no more snow? I know that Punxsutawney Phil said six more weeks of winter, but let’s be honest – who really listens to a big rodent when it comes to weather forecasting – other than those people selling Punxsutawney Phil T-shirts?
In conclusion, Dear Lord, can You cut us a little slack on this ice and snow business? Speaking for myself, I would be eternally grateful, and I know that most of the other Hautians around here would be too. We are beginning to feel put-upon and that’s never a good thing when it comes to the collection plate, if You get my drift.
Well, that’s about it God. I hope you can help out on this matter – and if it’s not too much – can You do something about that silly Designated Hitter Rule in the American League?
OK, I’m done. Thanks for listening.
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