You Need To Lose Some Weight

I’ve been hearing that ever since my carefree days as a fetus. I was about 7 lb. 6 oz. at birth (I checked my birth certificate) and that’s not too bad in most circles, but a lot of babies born with health issues tend to come in as featherweights. This makes me think that if everything had been OK healthwise I might have tipped the scales at 180 lbs at birth.

I know that my father was 12 lbs. – and he was born at home – to a mother who was barely 5 feet tall and under 100lbs.

Needless to say, he was an only child and my grandfather started smoking.

Throwback Thursday – I Meant To Do That – Really

From September 2015

I Meant To Do That – Really

IMAGINE WHAT A DULL AND BORING WORLD it would be if there were never any accidents. I don’t mean those accidents like plane crashes or ships sinking – no, those kind of accidents we could do without. I’m thinking more in the line of “I’ll be darned. How did that happen?”

Some of those small, seemingly innocuous, accidents can bring about world shaking changes. Others just elicit a giggle, a snigger, and a chilled bottle of wine – things important in their own way.

I Won’t Go There. You Can’t Make Me.

TRYING TO UNRAVEL THINGS THAT ARE NOT OBVIOUS CAN BE A CHALLENGE AT 6:30 AM. They can be a challenge at 6:30 PM too, but the AM factor makes it harder by exponential degrees.

This morning, for example. The chain of events went like this –

1. My eyes opened.
2. I verified that I was alive and said a short prayer of thanks.
3. Turned on TV to local morning news.
4. They aired a story about a guy using his gas station as a B&B.
5. I slapped my own face. I couldn’t have heard that right.

But I had.

It Makes Me Want To Thai One On

THE EVER CURIOUS GNOME THAT I AM, it is a common thing for me to go out looking for stupidity. True, I produce enough of my own, but some days you just can’t have enough. Stupidity is like potato chips.

Using that simile – I recently bumped into a story out of England that might qualify for a car load of Pringles.

“An organization for the deaf is holding a major festival in England this summer. It’s scheduled for July, in a town called Eggington. But the police there are fighting against it, and trying to get its license revoked . . . because they’re worried it’ll be too LOUD.”

I repeat, for latecomers – this event is a festival for the DEAF. But because there is to be music at the festival, the locals are concerned that it might get out of hand.

I Meant To Do That – Really

IMAGINE WHAT A DULL AND BORING WORLD it would be if there were never any accidents. I don’t mean those accidents like plane crashes or ships sinking – no, those kind of accidents we could do without. I’m thinking more in the line of “I’ll be darned. How did that happen?”