Down the Hall on Your Left

This site is a blog about what has been coasting through my consciousness lately. The things I post will be reflections that I see of the world around me. You may not agree with me or like what I say. In either case – you’ll get over it and I can live with it if it makes you unhappy. Please feel free to leave comments if you wish . All postings are: copyright 2014 – 2021

Archive for the month “June, 2021”

The Five People I Almost Killed

Sedaka

FOLLOWING UP ON PREVIOUS SATURDAYS I have decided to post another piece from my catalog.

This was written as a performance piece to be done in front of a live audience.

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I think it is important to stress that in the title of this piece I say “almost killed,” and not “killed.” To the best of my knowledge I have never actually killed anyone. I just tend to come close. Sometimes very close and I’ve done so five times – so far. The five nearly “dearly departed” have all shared one characteristic: they are, or to a large degree were, famous. Let me explain.

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QI

I like to laugh. It can lift my spirits. It can help me tolerate the stupidity and insanity I see around me. It’s fun and it just feels good.

Given the universal turmoil of the last year or so I have been desperate to find new things to make me laugh more and deeper.

I have found it.

Actually, my wife, the lovely and equal fan of a good guffaw, Dawn, found it and got me belly laughing and knee slapping in minutes.

What she found was a British Comedy Game Show called “Q I.” Not IQ, but QI. I’ve learned that the QI actually stands for “Quite Interesting.” They call it a Game Show but the scoring is unfathomable, arbitrary, and nobody gives a hoot anyway.

The Google description of QI says: “QI is a quite interesting quiz show in that correct answers are not necessarily the goal. But responding to presenter Sandi Toksvig’s mostly obscure questions in a funny or interesting way, regardless of whether the responses include a right answer is what scores points.” On QI even the audience can score points!

QI has been on the air for 18 seasons. It began in 2003 and has amassed 289 episodes. The original host was British comic actor and wit Stephen Fry who left the show in 2016. He was succeeded by the current host, Sandi Toksvig, who was a frequent “contestant” on the show.

All of QI’s contestants are comedians, mainly British, with a sprinkling of American, Irish, Aussie, Indian, and others. I even saw an old American friend on the show from my days onstage in California. They do throw in the odd celebrity on occasion who finds themselves in the middle of a whirlwind of comics turned loose. Chaos ensues.

Comedian/Actor Alan Davies has been on every show (except one which he missed to attend a championship soccer match with his favorite team.) He is often the butt of jokes while even leading the action.

I’ve included a few links to some episodes of QI that I think (hope) that you will find fun as well as strangely informative in a totally useless way.

QI has been good for me and I can prove it. I am sure that without the therapeutic and cathartic value of QI it is entirely possible that I might have degenerated into writing “How-to” books for Civil War re-enactors using aluminum foil and supermarket twist ties.

Aren’t we all glad that never happened?

I’m just assuming you know how to hit the “Skip Ads” button.

Sunday funnies

bluebird of bitterness

Herbie was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One day he witnessed something unusual. Right before the first race, a Catholic priest visited one of the horses in the stable and blessed it. Herbie watched the race, and the horse the priest had blessed came in first.

Herbie followed the priest before the next race, and again he went to the stable and blessed another horse. Herbie bet a few dollars on the horse that the priest had blessed, and sure enough, it also came in first.

The priest continued the procedure through the next few races, and Herbie won each time by betting on whichever horse the priest had blessed. The system was working so well that between races Herbie ran to the bank and withdrew $10,000.

He got back just in time for the final race of the day. Once again he followed the priest and noted which…

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Steps Must be Taken

Pamplona bulls

FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER my doctors have been on my case, saying that I need to “Get more exercise.”

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I’m Alive

I’m Alive.

And I don’t say that lightly. Recently there have been questions.

Today is the second day of June, 2021. On May 23rd – just a little over a week ago I was one sick Geezer.

I had been fighting what I had taken to be the remnants of a cold and the congestion had been coming and going for a week or two. On that Sunday, the 23rd, it was getting worse. I was having more and more difficulty breathing. My wife, the lovely, observant, and concerned for her Geezer, Dawn, could see that I was struggling. She suggested and I agreed that a trip to the ER was in order.

Ten minutes later I was sitting in a wheelchair with a stethoscope moving about on my chest. My lungs were filling with fluid. I felt like I was drowning. The ER doctors began to inject me with something called Lasik and told me to be ready to to start urinating like a Race Horse.

They weren’t kidding.

Within the next two hours I put out more than two liters of sickly looking fluid from my lungs. I could begin to breathe again. The X-Rays said that I was showing signs of Congestive Heart Failure.

Those are three scary words.

I was admitted to the Hospital – Room 3014. I felt like crap, but I was in no apparent immediate danger. Dawn finally was able to go home at about 3 AM on Monday morning.

I continued to crank out more fluid for a couple of days. I also had a lot of blood Vampired out of me. There were tests, tests, and more tests – with no conclusive finger pointing at why I was in that hospital bed. As the week progressed I was poked, prodded and punctured all day and all night. I met more people with letters after their names than I had ever encountered before.

Everyone was kind, helpful and very professional. I felt that I was in very good hands. With the weekend looming it was decided to cut me loose and, since my condition had improved and stabilized, I would now be able to be an outpatient. I was OK with that. I desperately wanted to go home. I was feeling better, Dawn was exhausted, and I had begun to seriously complain about the food.

No matter how advanced that Hospital may be and how brilliant the staff may be it is without a doubt that the place will never become known as a Culinary destination.

Hospital food, while they try to present a wider menu, still sucks. I’m sorry. I have nothing but respect for everyone there, but the person who ruins their version of Macaroni and Cheese should be forced to eat it. As a man with the last name of KRAFT I tend to take it all personally.

I’m home now and making the rounds of my various doctors still trying to discover what caused our late night adventure to the Emergency Room. I’m feeling so much better, but I still need to know what happened and why.

I’ll keep you advised, but right now I’m looking forward to a nice steaming bowl of real Mac and Cheese straight from that little blue cardboard box.

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