Throwback Thursday from December 2015
Keep Yer Wheel. I’ve Got Something Better
SOME SAY THAT THE WHEEL IS THE GREATEST OF ALL INVENTIONS. Others say it is fire, or the printing press. I disagree. I think that the greatest invention in the History of the Human Species is The Dollar Store.
Let me explain…
The other day, just before Thanksgiving my wife, the lovely and multi-talented, Dawn, dispatched me on a mission to pick up something from the nearby Dollar Store. Off I went, confident that I could fulfill my mission.
The Dollar Store that sits close to the Kroger’s Supermarket and St. Arbucks is, like most similar stores this time of year, chaotic and crowded. Finding any specific item can be a real scavenger hunt. The only way to search is by methodically going up and down each aisle. The criteria that I might use to decide where to display an item is always different from those used by the Dollar Store Marketing Genius.
While going up and down the aisles I had what one might call an “Epiphany.” A whole new Worldview became apparent to me. I saw that this Dollar Store was a repository of everything that would be needed to sustain a Life and even educate and entertain said Life.
There is one full aisle that has a veritable cornucopia of canned/freeze-dried foods. While Ramen Noodles are not my favorite thing, they do serve to fill up an empty space. I feel more drawn to the cans of SpaghettiOs and Chili Con Carne that I see near the freeze-dried lunches and beef jerky. A family of four could live there indefinitely.
One aisle over you find all the sweet treats you might ever desire. And down by the check-out lines there is a cooler with ice cream. It’s not Baskin-Robbins, but I don’t want any Bubblegum flavored ice cream anyway. I’m more of a traditionalist.
Once your food supply is assured, like the cave dwellers before us, you can branch out to explore and conquer your world.
Our Dollar Store has clothing. I can buy boxer shorts at prices that beat Wally World and Target.
Life is good!
On one of the endcap displays I found CDs and DVDs – entertainment for those evenings one might spend watching the TV in the Manager’s office. And who can resist all of the Helium-filled balloons?
There is even a sizable portion of shelf space devoted to books. An In-Store Library, if you will.
The Dollar Store has all of the necessities for the sustenance and enrichment of Modern Civilization. And it is all in a space much more compact than the Super-Giant-Acreage Swallowing-Mega Stores. There is no need for motorized shopping carts or computerized soft drink machines to act as in-store oases to keep the shoppers alive until they can “Do-it-yourself” checkout and flee into the parking lot. Barbaric, I tell you.
I found two things that day while touring the aisles of the Dollar Store. I located the shallow plastic containers (with lids) to transport 22 deviled eggs that had been my initial objective, and I gained the awareness that, if need be, Dawn and I could be comfortable and thrive living inside the Dollar Store. It has everything that we could need and so much more!
If we ever do “Go off the grid,” so to speak in a commercial sense, we will throw one heck of a super-duper party. God knows we will have enough party supplies and decorations. We could make Gatsby blush.