I’ll See You On The Wabash

I’VE GOT AN IDEA! I’ll be the first to admit that it might be a bit…Progressive, on the cutting edge even. Yet it has been done on a smaller scale for hundreds – thousands of years even. So, my proposal is both classic and avant garde. Kinda, sorta.

Let me give you the Big Picture. I’ll leave the details to people who have something better than a Liberal Arts Degree. I know what I want, but the nitty gritty of how it’s done is beyond me. I get baffled trying to fold a donut box.

What I want to do, employing a legion of engineers, technicians, and caterers, is to transform Terre Haute (That’s French for “You want to do what?”) from a Midwestern town prone to cold winters and meth labs into a semi-tropical beach resort with unlimited beach umbrellas and temperatures that stay in a range from 75 – 95 degrees year round.

I think it is called “Terra-Forming.” I saw it being done once in a Star Trek episode or maybe it was in a Muppet movie that I watched after eating a couple of brownies back in the 1970s. But I still like the idea – having a first class beach resort on the shores of the Wabash River. True, we might have to clean up the river and change it completely from what it is – a murky and kinda shallow river, into a golden sand festooned beach front a rival to the best that Florida has to offer or even Dubai.

I picture a new and exotic sandbox for the International Hoi Polloi and the domestic Jet Set that sips Champagne for breakfast at Arby’s.

If we can pull off this Terra-Forming thing it will turn Terre Haute into the New French Riviera only it will be the “Hoosier Wabash.” Heck – they might even film a James Bond movie here.

“Thunder Basketball!”

This whole idea came to me in a dream. Actually it was more of a nightmare. I was asleep and I found myself in the Toyota, stuck in traffic on I-70, in the snow, and my bladder was so bloated that I could have put feet on it and turned it into one of those inflatable toy punching bags we all had as kids.

I pulled over, got out of the car and saw a small river bank. There was a duck stuck in the mud, frozen solid. I thought to myself, “We can do better than this, America!” And the whole vision came to me as I thawed out the duck.

The Wabash River

I realize that the technology is on the outskirts of reality, but it was quite a dream and if they can put a man on the moon, and I can thaw out a frozen duck, they can transform West Central Indiana into a Tropical Paradise with Piña Coladas for everyone, a luxury hotel, and a pristine beach with a food truck always nearby.

For reservations call our 24 hour telephone hotline at 1-800-WET-DUCK. Our Operators are squatting by. Space is limited and, you know what they say – “In Space no one can hear you call Room Service.”

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