Don’t Drop The Soap
ONE THING IN THIS WORLD that never ceases to amaze me is the seemingly endless creativity that spills out of the human mind. There is always something new coming from just around the corner. It has never stopped from the Dawn of Time when the first human picked up a stick, hit it against a tree and said, “That sounds good. I’m gonna start a band.”
Back in the late 19th century the Head of the U.S. Patent Office sent his resignation to President McKinley and urged that the Office be closed because, “Everything that could be invented has been invented.”
Could he have been more wrong?
Today all it takes is a glance at your TV to see that new inventions are everywhere. The existence of the Infomercial, that staple of late night television, proves that there is always something new available – for only $19.99 (Plus shipping and handling).
But Wait! There’s More!
It was just the other day that I saw a small article touting the latest invention that will be available this Fall.
The all-new Vertical Bathtub!
Stick with me for a few seconds on this. I am not making this up. This may be something new, but I see that it is also fraught with potential problems.
When I first saw the advertisement for the Vertical Bathtub the first words out of my mouth were, “What happens if you drop the soap?” I think that the tub should come with built-in accessory scuba gear.
While dropping your bar of Irish Spring might be an annoyance there are a plethora of other problems that could be much more serious.
All it takes is one Vertical Bathtub produced on a Monday morning after a long, beer-soaked weekend when the local football was humiliated by the team from the Old Folks Home … and you have a recipe for disaster. One silicone chip installed backwards or omitted altogether and the headlines will read, “Local Man Drowns In His New Tub,” as the rising water never turns off and the man does a Leonardo DiCaprio in his Vertical Bathtub.
In a less morbid, but more practical vein, I see another watery problem. Picture yourself standing in your new tub and the water is up to your hither and yon and you are ready to use your new soap on a rope. Let’s lather up those highly toned legs and…and…your legs are under three feet of water. Unless you are a member of the Olympic Gymnastics Team there is no way you are going to get your legs high enough to wash them. You would be better off skinny dipping through a carwash.
If this product catches on I can imagine that some designer will try to make other bathroom fixtures with unique orientations. I don’t see this as catching on. At least I hope not. I don’t want to have to hold on while I’m…You get the picture.
About the only people who I imagine might go for this Vertical Bathtub would be the “Hipsters.” They’ll buy anything that they think will make their parents wonder which of their chromosomes were damaged during the late 1960s.
It’s just a thought.