I Try To Be Fair

NOW…I’M NOT A FUSSY PERSON who lets every little thing get under my skin and bother me… (Pregnant Pause)…OK, that’s not true. I am a fussy person and I do get all worked up by the little things that most people wouldn’t even think twice about. Truthfully, I’m still growling about not getting to see the “Tall Ships” that toured the Great Lakes during the Bicentennial Celebrations. That was in 1976 and I’m still miffed.

I try to keep that under cover and under control because no one wants to see me grumbling and muttering about something the world regards as trivial, but that I hold to be the key to the survival of Western Civilization.

The reason that I bring this up is that the world has thrown yet another speed bump in the highway of my life…and I’m going to be upset about it until the Universe recants and puts things back the way I want them to be.

What is it that has me twitching in my chair today? It’s the new style of plastic lids that they are using on their cold drinks at St. Arbucks.

In an apparent attempt to eliminate the use of plastic straws so that some busybodies will be happy and feel they are saving the world, St. Arbucks is using a new style of lid that makes your drink container into a “Sippy Cup.”

I have tried it. I don’t like it. I want it to stop.

When I first tried it, with an open mind, it was totally unacceptable. I would take a sip and have to take a napkin and wipe my lip and mustache. The “Sippy Cup” became a “Sloppy Cup,” leaving coffee all over my face.

I do not want it there.

I feel that I gave the new lid a fair trial – for about fifteen seconds. That was time enough, and now – Darn it all to H,E, Double Hockey Sticks will someone get me a plastic straw?

You would think with such a definite pronouncement that the world of St. Arbucks would bend to my wishes.

Not likely. Not likely at all.

You see – that’s the flaw in The System.

I may give specific instructions for the world to follow, but there seems to be a distinct lack of enthusiasm on the part of the planet. It is almost as if the world isn’t even listening to me.

“Hello, World? Can you hear me?”

(Profound Silence)

Evidently not.

Well, nobody can complain that I did not give the new lid a fair, if brief, test. That’s all I could do under the circumstances. I did not want to complain to the staff. They are all gems.

So, I’ll just sit quietly and mutter under my breath. They are used to seeing me do that so they won’t think that I’m unhappy with them.

I swear to God, there are some days when I feel like I am Mr. Magoo.

“Oh, Magoo, you’ve done it again!”

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