I’m Not Eating That
I WENT OUT FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT. It was a birthday getogethers for a friend. He was turning 55 or something. It might have been 65, 105, 256…I wasn’t listening all that closely.
I remember my 55th birthday. It was so long ago that I’m a bit hazy on the details, but I know that there were people there. I knew some of them. I’m pretty sure on that, but who they were exactly is a bit fuzzy. Some people took pictures. I’ve seen them so I know that I was there.
The place we gathered the other night was a local spot called “Charlie’s.” Nobody named Charlie has anything to do with the place – at least not for the last fifty years. Back in the day, as they say, Charlie’s was considered a real “Punch Palace” by the local police. It was a kind of “For your fighting and dancing pleasure” kind of joint. Half of the customers had cirrhosis of the liver and the other half had prison records.
Things have changed at Charlie’s.
There have been 3 or 4 owners since the days when scar tissue was required for admission. The current owner has made the effort to turn the place into somewhere you might take your Grandmother for lunch. You can still down a Boilermaker for breakfast but you can have an omelet with it. Charlie’s has become a “Destination” mentioned in tourist guides. Nobody is going to be breaking their pool cue over anyone’s head any more. Now they might be taking painting lessons there on a Wednesday night.
One of the more recent innovations on the menu is the “Burger of the Month.” Someone on the staff comes up with an idea and the kitchen staff tries to see if it can be made non-toxic and delicious. The Burger for this month (August 2019) is “The Backyard Burger.” Picture this on the plate in front of you.
A Half Pound Burger with Baked Beans and Potato Salad piled on it, a slice of American Cheese and… topped off with a Hot Dog. All on a very large bun. Everything you might expect to see at a Backyard Cookout.
Now, that all sounds good to me. I do recall, however, a Burger of the Month that was on the menu a few months ago that made me clench a sphincter or two. That month the burger was covered with Jalapeños smothered in gooey Marshmallow. The owner swears that it was very popular and the folks that ate it went on to lead normal lives. I have my doubts.
So… we had our little birthday to-do. The Birthday Boy got his “Free Birthday Burger” (With ID Proof) and we ended up missing the first two innings of the SF Giants Baseball game. By the time we got home they were losing 5 – 0. It was our fault. Our absence is Bad Ju-Ju. We must be tuned in for them to be victorious. I don’t know what we are going to do when we are in Ireland. We are going to be up and tuned in via internet at 4 AM.
Maybe we can blame it all on the clock. Greenwich really has some seriously Mean Time.