Whose Hot Idea Was This?
It has been in the mid 90s and above since what seems like the day after Christmas. I like warm weather, hot even, but this hot spell has pushed my limits right off the table.
I love it when the Weather Bunnies on TV say things like, “It is 96 degrees, but the Heat Index is 187,” or whatever number they toss out. After “96 degrees” the rest is as relevant as chocolate sprinkles on a Hershey Bar. It doesn’t change anything, add anything, or make it any better. When life has been reduced to sticking your head in a pizza oven to cool off something like “Heat Index” is not all that important.
This morning I put something on Facebook (Something I rarely do aside from this blog stuff) that I look upon as a Public Service Announcement:
“Two rules for surviving in this heat.
- Drink plenty of water
- Watch how you talk to me.”
There you are! Simple…To the point…And potentially lifesaving.
On most days I am as easy to live with as a Pet Rock. I make few demands. I try to clean up after myself, but don’t leave me on a slope or I might roll away. All of that changes when the temperatures rise and my recently reconstructed eyes begin to sweat. When it all reaches that state I can easily turn into a slightly chubby version of Vlad the Impaler.
“Don’t mess with me, Infidel or Saracen! Try to yank my chain and I will show you what the inside of your Liver looks like!”
Real hot weather and I develop a short temper. Or so the survivors have told me.
Some people who fall under the heading of Family, and are therefore protected, have told me on many occasions that everyone’s life would be improved if I did something about my somewhat impolite behavior during excessive heat. Biting off someone’s head for getting in my way was not looked upon as acceptable. They meant that I should do something to reduce my Sharknado in a crowded elevator behavior.
I’ve been thinking (Something difficult in this weather) about relocating myself to a more temperate locale. I’m all for that, but the places I’d like to go either cost too much to get to or they have some silly rules about who they let cross their borders and such. It’s not like I am “El Chapo” or somebody. I’m just an overly warm and rather benign person who writes stuff after consuming too much coffee.
My list of places I would like to visit to cool off isn’t too exotic. I’d like to try Bermuda. They speak English better than I do and it’s not too long of a flight. If Bermuda falls through I’ve heard about an island nation called the Seychelles. It is squat in the Indian Ocean and is supposed to have the most beautiful beaches in the world. Works for me! I’m not fussy.
The Indian Ocean might be a long haul for a long weekend so I’m thinking along the lines maybe one of those inflatable backyard pools and an unlimited supply of Piña Coladas.