On This August Occasion
My Name Was Augustus. My Finger Hurts.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID IT GET TO BE AUGUST ALREADY? I just got the Christmas decorations down and now I have to start shopping for Halloween candy. I’m certainly not going to give any of it away to those grubby little kids who’ll come knocking on my door, but if you want to get any of the really good candy you’d better start shopping early.
August is one of those “in-between” kinds of months. It doesn’t have any big holidays to speak of. Oh, sure, the third of August is “National Grab Some Nuts Day” and on the 8th we all celebrate “National Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day,” but Hallmark doesn’t put out a line of special cards for either holiday, do they?
In July the whole country goes up in smoke with the 4th of July shindigs and in September kids go back to school and millions of parents celebrate until they get so smashed that they make little brothers and sisters for the kids who are already in school. August just doesn’t have anything to compare to that.
I rest my case.
I know that by saying nothing big happens in August I am going to incur the wrath of all those people who have birthdays in this month. Well, my friends, being born in August is something you had nothing to do with. If you were going to be born the odds were one in twelve that it was going to happen in August. If this is really an issue with you perhaps it is time you sat down and had a little heart-to-heart discussion with your parents. After all it was those two rascals who started the clock ticking that spit you out in August – not me…to the best of my knowledge and belief. I was out of town that week.
Saying that nothing big happens in August is also just plain old sort of incorrect. For example: On the first of August in 1774 Joseph Priestly discovered Oxygen. Without his discovery Lord knows what we would be breathing today?
Even if you can’t claim a day in August as your own you should at least be motivated enough to get up off your tuffet and find something fun to do. I’ve done my research on this topic, at least five minutes worth, and I can tell you there are some nifty goings-on out there this month.
Por ejemplo: On the 1st…oh, crap, you missed it. Well, make a note for next year that on August the First is the Maine Lobster Festival in Rockland, Maine. They will be dishing out more than 12 tons of lobster! Get your cut of the Crustacean, but be advised I hear it’s a good idea to BYOB – Bring Your Own Butter. It gets scarce real quick there by about Noon.
On August 15th starts one of the biggest of the big State Fairs in Iowa. More than a million people will visit the Fair to get sick on Carnival rides after eating their way through the plethora of fried food stands that line the Midway. The Iowa State Fair is also known for having Superstar Headliner musical entertainment. In recent years they have presented Sonny and Cher, The Beach Boys, Johnny Cash, and The Oak Ridge Boys. I don’t know who will be there this year, but I wouldn’t count on seeing Sonny and Cher or Johnny Cash since 2 out of those 3 individuals are dead.
Well, there you are. August is yours to do with as you choose, just don’t try to move it over into July because that’s my month. Mine!
Down the Hall on Your Left 
Once again, a rib tickler (not you, your prose…). Would August be the summer version of March, albeit without the Ides? I Lo e lobster but really have it, figuring that by eliminating my allocation, it’ll save the species. Enjoyed your story, John.
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Today’s blog was really a “Fill in the blank space on the calendar. “
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Hear hear!
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