I’m Not Dead
Each of those years has had things worth remembering – and things that have merited forgetting. I’m sure that holds true for everyone. It’s part of the ongoing flow of life.
This past year has been much like many of my recent years. It held joys and sorrows, hopes fulfilled and hopes filled with disappointment. Dreams and nightmares, laughs and tears.
In many ways, some say too many, I am much the same person I was fifty or more years ago. I am 73, but I don’t feel or think like the cliché that I hold in my head about how a 73 year old man must be. According to that stereotype I should be a man who is quiet, content to relive my past, and not have the emotions, desires and hungers of a younger man. Well, sorry to disappoint the caricaturist of old age, but my heart and soul still crave, yearn, and lust like I did at 23. I still feel the need to explore, to discover, and to embrace life in all its flintlike hardness and caressing softness.
I am not ready, as Dylan Thomas said, “to go gentle into that good night.” I pray that I never will. There are too many things to do, to see, to create, and to absorb for me to willingly surrender to the night.
I know that I have hurt people along the way, not intentionally, but some were unavoidable. I have been hurt and I know, at least I hope, that there was no malice involved. In any case, all of the people I have known and loved still travel with me and stay in my mind and heart, if no longer in my arms.
I hope that I am prepared for whatever comes. There will be fewer surprises I’m sure, and seeing some things again can be wonderful the second time around.
I will take it all one day, one hour, one minute at a time. My first step, however, is to blow out some candles and make a wish.
Today is a day just for me
As my calendar says 7 – 3
I’m older than dirt
Most everything hurts
But I still have both of my knees