Don’t Be A Smarty…Unless You’re A Television
ON THE WHOLE I DON’T MIND GOING SHOPPING. I actually like tooling around the supermarket looking at all the things I don’t want. I have a lower level of “like” when it comes to shopping for clothes. Doing that is just a necessary pain in the tookus.
Even farther down on the Krafty Scale of Shopping is going out looking for things about which I am awash in ignorance.
Yesterday I was treading in the backwaters of ignorance for several hours. We had to go out and buy a new TV for the Family Room. The TV we’ve had in there for the last three hundred years finally decided that it was time to meet its maker – Vizio. That 32” all Seeing Eye had sat there for about ten years. That is a long time for modern appliances that come with a built-in self-destruct button set to explode 20 minutes after the warranty expires.
My wife, the lovely, and more high-tech savvy than me, Dawn, was in the Family Room when “All of a sudden” (as they say) the TV made a loud “POP” and went seriously black. There was no smoke, fire, or even a farewell groan. That 32” TV was instantly transformed into ART – a pleasing shape with no real function other than to occupy a space.
The next move was ours. After lunch we set off on a shopping expedition. I adopted the persona of “Bwana John” for the purpose of this trek into the Retail Jungle. Our objective was to enter the Electronics Escarpment at the nearby Meijer Super Store – all 90K square feet of…of STUFF!
When we tiptoed gingerly into the area where they have the TVs lined up against the back wall like they are waiting for the firing squad we were faced with a multitude of choices. Did we want another 32” set or did we want to go BIG? Would a 90” TV be too big? Would it fit into the car? We eventually decided that we could squeeze in a 40” screen model. All of the sets there were being called “Smart TVs.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to watch Jeopardy and lose to the TV set. Our old TV wasn’t a “Smart TV.” On most days I thought it was as dumb as a sackful of hammers. It couldn’t find anything worth watching for me. I fell back onto reading.
A “Sales Associate” wandered over and mumbled a number of things I couldn’t decipher other than one or two mild obscenities. I think he wanted out of there but we showed promise of a commission. He did come in handy though when we decided to go with the new 40” Smart TV. He carried it for us all the way to the front door. He didn’t go any farther. Perhaps he was a hologram that lives only
inside the store. I’ll have to ask our new Smart TV about that.
Once we got home the next portion of this saga was to get it up and running. That is when I bow to my wife and her skills with such things. If I was left to my own devices to install this TV…we would get a lot of reading done.
It took an hour or two to get all of the various bits and pieces of technology and plastic in their proper niche, but Dawn did it all with a deftness and skill that proves that she is so much smarter than any old TV lined up against that wall.
Now I have to figure out all those buttons on the new remote.