Throwback Thursday – “The Way Of The Geezer”
We are now well into the new millennium and, like it or not, things are changing. One of the most notable is that the first crop of the “Baby Boom” babies is turning 70. The implications of this are many, but the one I think is most important is that this nation is going to be inundated by tens of millions of new Geezers.
I know that some of you are already Geezers, or will be shortly, and I bid you welcome to a world where you can feel confident that you do, indeed, know what’s best in all situations.
Geezerdom is a state created by the confluence of Age, Knowledge, and a Wisdom born of having seen all this nonsense before.
THE SIGNS OF A TRUE GEEZER
- Your favorite music is sold only by infomercial.
- You can get a haircut in less than 10 minutes.
- “Hard Drugs” refers to those dang child-proof caps.
- You have your midnight snack at 8 PM.
- You know who Hopalong Cassidy was.
- Bucket seats no longer fit your bucket.
- You go to time-share sales presentations for the free snacks.
- You realize that Scotsmen are the only people who look good in plaid.
- Your best vacation is when the neighbors go somewhere.
- You buy a new car and special order bench seats.
Don’t get me wrong – Geezers really do like people, but they just like them better from a distance… except for other Geezers. When Geezers get together it is a homecoming of Common Sense, Recognition of the Obvious, and a Healthy Skepticism of anything spoken by a politician of any party.
Geezers are the “Anti – Game Show Hosts,” and the antidote to relentless cheerfulness. Personally, I’d like to take Anthony Robbins, give him gallstones, arthritis and a swollen prostate and see how upbeat he is then.
Don’t feel bad about attaining Geezerhood. It has many positive aspects.
As you approach your full Geezerosity you will become aware that more and more becomes less and less important in this world. You will reinvent the wheel for the last time. You will accept and appreciate the value of elastic waistbands. And you will realize that when it comes to people who try to intimidate you into thinking as they do that you are “Bully-Proof.” As my father used to say, “I’m too old of a cat to be fooled by a kitten.”
As you join our ranks and embark on “The Way of the Geezer” be comfortable because you have outlived most fools and can easily recognize the ones still around.
Because you are older and finally have a handle on this “Life” thing, you are blessed with a shorter path to God’s ear. Your prayers know the shortcut and are free of the flummery and superfluity of youth.
Having said that, I close with:
THE GEEZER’S PRAYER
Grant us peace. Actually, make that peace and quiet.
Deliver us from the chaos of the rude and incompetent. Allow us to honor your Creation by having tidy lawns and trimmed edges.
Remind humanity that Perfection is Yours alone, but that if someone older and wiser has a better idea, they should listen and learn.
Protect the children from harm and let them be safe in their own yards, for Heaven’s sake.
Help us keep holy the Sabbath, this day that You have set aside for worship, rest and, of course, the NFL.
Guide our leaders and let them actually read the letters to the editor that we write. Grant them the sense that You gave a tree stump.
We ask these things in Your name. We know that You understand our travail. Keep in touch.