Frankly, My Dear…

THAT SOUND YOU HEAR ECHOING ACROSS THE MAP IS MY BRAIN EXPLODING. It takes a lot to detonate my brain. The last time it happened was when someone told me that Pauley Shore was still making movies…or was it Ben Stiller… or was it Adam Sandler? I get them all mixed up. They are all…Oh, I don’t want to think about it.

What caused my brain to go Karakatoa on me this morning was the continued renovation of the center of my world aka St. Arbucks. The midnight raiders from the Seattle headquarters were in again last night and I consider their activity as Vandalism.

In my status as a human being who, technically, has a disability (details another time) I am all in favor of making the world as accessible as possible. The ongoing remodeling of my home away from home and office is an example of a remote set of corporate decisions that are failing miserably – or so it seems to me.

A few days ago the Nabobs of the Northwest shipped in a lovely new round table, but no chairs. To solve that boo-boo they just shoved some of the old, pre-modeling, chairs around the table.

Unfortunately…

Those chairs were much too low. Sitting at the new table made you feel like you were an extra in “Honey, I Shrunk the Customers.” Sit there and the tabletop was about three inches below your chin. Not good.

This morning, or more accurately the folks from the Starbucks Midnight Moving Company stopped by and delivered a set of brand new matching chairs. One would hope that should solve the altitude problem. That would be too simple, would it not?

While the first array of chairs was too short – the new chairs are too high. Much too high. No one with legs can sit there. Trying to be accommodating is a wonderful thing and all I can assume is that this new table and chair setup is for Double Amputees only.

Now, before you get all bent out of shape about my lack of Political Correctness let me remind you that I have a lifelong disability, I was a consultant on the creation of the Americans With Disabilities Act and founded and headed an Employee Association for People With Disabilities with a Fortune 500 company. Need I go on? I can you know. I feel that I can comfortably make some seemingly tasteless jokes. That plus I don’t give a rat’s patoot about whether or not I am Politically Correct. Actually, I go out of my way to express my contempt for that effort to control my thoughts.

But…back to that crazy table business.

Whoever planned this venture in remodeling for the Chapel of St. Arbucks has an obvious substance abuse problem. They are either getting too much or not enough of whatever they are ingesting.

The new furniture that has been delivered is a collection of bad ideas, mistakes, and errors in judgment. It is chairs that don’t fit, electrical outlets that are just for show, and wheelchair accessible tables that have five or six chairs that block any and all access.

Every night it is something new, but it doesn’t appear that any thought went into it at all.

I do feel sorry for Eric, the Manager of this superbly staffed store. He is not being told ahead of time what will greet him when he shows up in the morning to get things up and running. He is as surprised as the rest of us.

As Scarlett O’Hara once said, “Tomorrow is another day!”

But Rhett Butler also had something to say, “Frankly, my dear…”

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