Do Raccoons Wear Diapers?
ONE OF MY FAVORITE, AND I ADMIT DANGEROUS, HABITS IS EAVESDROPPING. I prefer to call it “Active Listening.” A number of other people call it “Snooping.” I think that sounds a mite nefarious and it makes me appear like an auditory Peeping Tom.
When I say that I eavesdrop I must assure you that 99% of it is passive. I sit there and the words come to me. I don’t have microphones and I don’t lean over or move close to others to pick up what is being said. My ears work – what can I say?
The reason I bring this up at all is that a few days ago while I was sitting quietly reading and sipping, minding my own business, a bundle of words worked their way into my ears. It was a quiet afternoon. My ears couldn’t help but listen in.
There were two women walking past where I was sitting with my ears. As they passed by I clearly heard one of them say,
“Then I found a stuffed raccoon to put up on the diaper table.”
That was it.
Nothing before that.
Nothing after that.
They went on their merry way and I sat there with a disturbing image forming in my brain.
Why would you put a “Stuffed Raccoon” on a diaper table? Is it supposed to pacify an infant? I think it might have the opposite effect. I know that it would with me. Who would want to be anywhere close to a terrified baby on a diaper table? It could make the “Dancing Waters” at that Las Vegas Casino/Hotel look pretty tepid.
After the two women had passed by and disappeared from view I began to think about that whole raccoon thing. I was hoping that “Stuffed Raccoon” meant one of those plush made in Bangladesh toys and not a critter trapped in someone’s back yard and the dropped off at the local taxidermy shop. That would be too much for me to deal with. If you have ever had to deal with raccoons – stuffed or otherwise – you would not want to put one anywhere near anything or anyone that you cherish. Raccoons are nasty creatures that would tear your diaper table to bits.
I did question whether or not I had heard them correctly. Where I was sitting was not particularly noisy. The general ambiance was active but not hectic. I was sober, conscious, and awake. No, I feel confident that “Then I found a stuffed raccoon to put up on the diaper table,” was what I had heard.
Where does one find a raccoon, stuffed or otherwise? Our backyard would be a good place to begin, but I do not plan on becoming a supplier of raccoons to be put on diaper tables or anywhere else. I will leave that to others.
Instead of getting more deeply involved with those two strangers and their unusual decorating plans I chose to keep my trap shut and my ears open on the off chance that someone with a spare diaper table might pass by.