Tag! You’re It!

IN A WORLD WHERE THE DIVISION OF LABOR IS PREVALENT – I DO THE LAUNDRY. Actually the machines do the hard work. My main part in the process is lifting, folding and toting. I can do that. I am a college graduate. Doing the laundry would be much harder if it entailed taking all of the clothing down to the creek and beating it against a flat rock.

One of the first things to learn when it comes to doing laundry is to read the little tags that the manufacturers sew on the inside, usually up by the collar or waist. Those tags will tell you what to do so you don’t accidentally ruin the garment. Some manufacturers put more than just laundry instructions. I like those tags.

One of my favorite clothing tags came on a T-shirt from a BBC program called Top Gear. It was a show ostensibly about cars, but it was without a doubt, the funniest show on television. I was disappointed when one of the hosts got fired for punching out the Producer. The show got cancelled and so did the T-shirts.

Recently someone posted another garment tag that made me laugh. That started me on a hunt for others. I found a bunch. I just assume that nobody got punched. Laundry is a pretty humorless activity so I am thankful for any entertainment value I can find while sorting and folding.

I respect those clothing manufacturers who give you some helpful hints about doing the laundry and then toss in something to make it all bearable. Some people call them “Life Hacks.” I go for a much simpler definition: “Jokes.”

Now, look at this tag. It gives you instructions for both “Best Results” and “Worst Results.” It all depends on your goal and your skill level. If you know that a certain portion of the customer base doesn’t care – why should they.

Some tags don’t bother trying to help. They just appeal to your baser drives

and the heck with the wrinkles or shrinking. Let’s be honest-we all know people who would buy clothes from this outfit strictly because they are made by “pretty blonde girls.” It may seem to be sexist, but I think it is better than having the tag say that their clothes are made by “Truly ugly people with highly contagious diseases.”

Sometimes it is best to cut to the chase. Stuff all of the witty patter and tell the unvarnished truth. If you really don’t know what to do take it to someone who does. Take it to your mother. You might want to take along a small gift as well. After all, if you are an adult and living on your own you shouldn’t be taking your dirty laundry home to mommy.

During the course of my extensive and time consuming research during lunch I encountered an large number of these tags. Some were witty. some were half-witty and some were trying too hard and just became confusing. I have tried not to include those here today. I’m confusing enough myself and don’t need any help.

I really liked this last garment tag. It gave the basic information on the “how-to” of laundry and then added some possibly life saving information. Some of it deals with personal hygiene which is also important. At least to some people.

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