I Am “Snoozing Man!”
HE LEAPS TALL BUILDINGS IN A SINGLE BOUND!
HE SLINGS WEBS AROUND THE CITY!
HE CAN FALL ASLEEP ALMOST ANYWHERE!
SuperPowers! Every Super Hero has them.
Superman – Spiderman – Me!
I know that my SuperPower is not as spectacular as some of the others, but my Fortress of Solitude can be just about anywhere.
It was my wife, the lovely and powerfully perceptive, Dawn, who first pointed out my SuperPower.
“Y’know, My Love, you can fall asleep almost anywhere can’t you? No matter how noisy or chaotic you can close your eyes and take a nap. John…John? Wake up!”
I was unintentionally proving her point. It is a SuperPower that can come in handy – on airplanes, during boring movies, or the Nightly News. Just about anywhere. You could have the UCLA Marching Band come through the door and I’d never notice. I can get close to flatlining at the drop of an eyelid. I’ve contacted the people at Marvel, but they brushed me off like a piece of lint. I may just drop a line to Netflix. A Mini-Series maybe?
I’ll have you know, however, that I am not a one-trick Super Hero. It was last night as Dawn and I were driving through Terre Haute (That’s French for, “Have you seen my Utility Belt?”) that I pointed out another SuperPower of mine.
Believe it or not my other SuperPower is the ability to communicate telepathically to drivers in other
cars. To prove my Power to Dawn, as we were sitting there waiting for the red light to change I demonstrated it to her. The light turned green, but the guy in the car ahead of us didn’t move. I turned to Dawn and said, “Now watch this, My Love.”
“Hey, you, in the car in front of us,” I said quietly, “The light is green. The gas is the pedal on the right. Now – move.”
And in response – he hit the gas and drove away
Dawn was quite impressed.
I demonstrated it again a few minutes later in the Kroger Supermarket when another slow mover couldn’t decide if he should push his cart or take up residency in Aisle #7 blocking my access to the Manwich shelf. All I did was softly mutter, “While we’re young, Bubba”…and he grabbed a can of Spam and rolled away.
You can keep your web slinging; I’d rather have the ability to enhance the flow of traffic on the streets – or in the canned meat aisle.
Being a Small Town Super Hero is not a bad gig. My SuperPowers come in handy in my everyday life without drawing undue attention. I can go anywhere without having to wear a mask or get my cape dry cleaned. All I need is some coffee and my Giants cap.
While I have your attention I have a Super Hero question.
Superman, Spiderman, Me – we all have our very specific SuperPowers, but what SuperPowers does Batman have? All I can see is his “ability” to inherit large sums of money. I don’t begrudge him his stylish cape and Utility Belt full of neat stuff, but unless Robin the Boy Wonder knows something we don’t, I think Batman is just a gifted amateur with a butler.
I am going to be spending some time analyzing my day-to-day activities to see if I can identify some additional SuperPowers. So far all I have noticed is my uncanny ability to drink iced coffee in mid-winter.