Windows? We Don’t Need No Stinking Windows!
HERE WE ARE NEAR THE STUBBY END OF FEBRUARY and signs of life are returning to this frozen slice of the world. One of those indicators is the return of the Four-Legged Restaurant Critic to Terre Haute (That’s French for “Are you going to eat that?”). This town has more dining options than any town this side of West Terre Haute (That’s Portuguese for “Does anybody here speak French?”).
I like Mexican food. Unfortunately, it is difficult to find. There is a Taco Bell within hurling distance of where I am seated – no Mexican food there. Taco Bell has twice tried to open stores inside the nation of Mexico and twice they have failed to find an audience. ‘Nuff said.
A bit farther down the street there is a Mexican restaurant that is actually owned by a Mexican and everyone employed there is a relative. Their English language skills are quite sketchy which makes asking for a few extra napkins an iffy proposition. Their food is closer actual Mexican. In reality it is more “Tex-Mex” with ketchup.
Still farther down the way and also in my opinion is a feeding trough called Taco Casita. I have eaten there only once and my gastro-intestinal tract has yet to forgive me. I cannot call their offerings “Mexican” any more than I can call myself “One heck of a Dancer.” It was Taco Casita that was recently visited by the “Four-Legged Restaurant Critic.”
The “Four-Legged Restaurant Critic” is one of the 37 million Deer that call this town home. For some reason, this one deer decided that grass, leaves, and other miscellaneous greenery wasn’t enough and was possibly “Jonesing” for some chips and salsa.
Unfortunately, for the deer and for Taco Casita, the restaurant was closed at that time of night. The “Four-Legged Restaurant Critic” refused to take “No” for an answer.
When you gotta have it… You gotta have it!
So, the deer opted to crash through one of the big front windows and headed straight for the kitchen. He (I am assuming that this deer is a male. If it was a female it would have tried calling ahead to make a reservation). He poked around in the kitchen looking for a snack. No luck. It was at Taco Casita after all. After a few minutes of weeping and gnashing of antlers it trashed the kitchen and moved into the front of the store where he again found nothing edible.
It was at that point that he wrote his review and bounded out through the shattered front window and into the night.
Another dissatisfied Dine & Dash four-legged customer.
The Taco Casita was closed for a short time the next day to repair the damages done by “The Critic.” I 
actually overheard a bit of a conversation with one of the Owners of Taco Casita the next day. He was truly upset.
“I could take a hammer to those windows and not break them. How did that deer smash his way through two of them?”
In my opinion, the deer finally realized where it was and, out of shame and the knowledge that it was probably the freshest meat that had been in there in years, ran for the hills.
Hiyo, Bambi! Away!
Down the Hall on Your Left 
We have a Mexican place here called Cazadores, which is Spanish for “Deer Hunters.”
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Hilarious, John!
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