I Won’t! I Just Won’t!
THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN THIS WORLD I WILL JUST NOT AGREE TO DO. I have standards – they’re low, but they’re mine. A lifetime of making the decisions that have kept me alive this long have proven to me that, as unlikely as it may seem, I must be doing something right.
For example:
No matter what the political climate I will not run for any elective office – not now, not ever. As far as I’m concerned the only office I relish is the corner table at St. Arbucks where I sit and write these…these…these things whatever they are.
Too many people run for office and most of them I suspect do so because they can’t get a job in the real world.
I won’t run for office because, God forbid, I might win and then I’d have to spend all day with those unemployable pieces of organic matter in shoes. I think that it is best that I avoid the entire problem by not seeking a seat at the Public Trough.
If I did through some miscarriage of justice get elected to an office, any office, at any level of governmental ineptitude, I am sure that I would become mightily offensive to the electorate because I would tell them the unvarnished truth and call the crooks and idiots – crooks and idiots. I can’t think of a quicker way to become the honored dead. There are too many lunatics and parasites who would not appreciate me rocking the boat. That boat may be the Titanic, but the deck chairs are already full of political aphids.
Another thing in this life that I will not do is to go sliding willy-nilly on a Zipline. If I want to get from the top of a mountain down to the bottom I will go back the way that got me to the top of the mountain to begin with.
Neat. Simple. And much quieter.
If I rode down on a Zipline the noise level would be astounding – mainly from me screaming all the way down.
I equate Ziplines with roller coasters and skydiving – noisy ways to ruin my day and require a change of clothes. If I jump out of a perfectly good airplane there had better be a nice fresh pair of tidy-whiteys waiting for me on the ground.
I have seen people lining up to pay someone they have never met for the privilege of trusting their life to a filament of wire that was probably scavenged from a piece of machinery that broke down when that wire corroded and snapped. No, thank you. I’ll pass. When I go to my reward I want to be surrounded by people I know, not a bunch of strangers who spend most of their year selling magazines door to door all the while avoiding their parole officers.
I have spoken with people who have just finished sliding down a Zipline. They have been screaming. They are out of breath, gasping and deliriously pumped. I can think of better ways to get myself to that state of ecstasy – and none of them cost money, involve risking my life, or ruin my clothing.
Now that I think about it – Ziplining and running for elective political office can have the same results if things go poorly. They also both involve taking your life in a downhill slide.
Down the Hall on Your Left 