…Everyone Would Be In Love With Me.
HOT DOG! HOT DIGGITY DOG EVEN!
Don’t tell anyone, but I am seriously considering coming out of Retirement. Why you ask? Because the job of my dreams has opened up and I think that I am the ideal candidate! If I work things right and put my best foot forward I, your friend and charming as all get out dude, might just be the next “Hotdogger” driver of the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile! Oh, yeah!
Eat your heart out.
The official job title for the lucky person chosen to drive the Weinermobile is “Hotdogger” and it is not a term to be taken lightly – at least not in my world. You can call me “Mister Hotdogger.”
I do admit that my heart skipped a beat when I saw the announcement that Oscar Meyer was looking for new drivers. I can only compare it to when my wife, the lovely and understanding, Dawn, said “Yes.”
I know that I may be increasing the number of applicants by talking about this in public, but I’m not worried. When they read my application everyone else will shrink to nothing more than a can of cocktail weenies.
I have what they are looking for. I know how to drive. I have a college degree in an area that indicates that I can present myself as a great ambassador for the company. Habla Español? Enough to get by and give me some time and I will be as fluent as Charo.
Do I cut the mustard? I am outgoing, creative, friendly, and enthusiastic.
Now…just between you, me and the hitching post…there are a few aspects of the job that give me pause.
It is 100% travel. This is most definitely not a Monday through Friday 9 to 5 job. I have always relished my weekends and I don’t like driving at night all that much anymore. Once the sun goes down I do too. Give me a hot meal and a warm blanket and I’m done for the day.
I’m sure we can work something out. After all who goes shopping for hot dogs at night? We’ll talk.
One other pesky, but I’m sure negotiable, job requirement is that I would have to wear what amounts to an Oscar Mayer company uniform. I’ve seen it and it’s not too bad, but given my seventy year plus old physique, in their uniform I would look more like a Kielbasa than a wonderful Oscar Mayer Hot Dog. They might quibble about that. We’ll talk.
I am going to have to have a “Heart to Heart” with Dawn. The job offers a “competitive salary plus expenses, benefits, and clothing,” but it says nothing about spending time with my family. I’m concerned that this gig might have some unspoken fine print – a little like they had for the Pony Express Riders back in the 19th century. Back then they only wanted to hire orphans who wouldn’t miss any family or play it safe when things got dicey. Now…I don’t expect any renegade Apache raids on the Weinermobile – I’m sure those days are long past, but I don’t want to have to tell my wife, “I’ll see you in a year. Have a hot dog.”
You can see my mixed feelings about this.
Ketchup or Mustard? Onions or Pickles? Sauerkraut or Divorce Court?
Here is the Announcement and job application with all of the details