We Are Thrilled…But.
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, but I’m getting really tired of looking at Wayne Brady. Every twelve seconds, no matter what TV channel I am watching, Wayne Brady is popping up shilling for the Publisher’s Clearinghouse and their “$5000 a week – FOR LIFE!
Yeah, right. I’ll start planning our new vacation mansion…right after breakfast.
It’s not that I have anything against Wayne Brady. I’m sure that he is a nice guy, is kind to animals and children, and has good table manners. He is already the host of the resuscitated “Let’s Make A Deal” game show and he was the real star of Drew Carey’s program, “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” I know a couple of comedians who have been on that show and they have nothing but kind words to say about him…but – I don’t need to be seeing those Publisher’s Clearinghouse ads every time I turn around.
The Big Line this year is that “$500 a week for life!’ I don’t want to reiterate all of the details. I’m sure that you have also heard these ads a few thousand times as well. Of course, the kicker, for the benefit of readers in other countries, is that if you are the Big Winner and you win the five grand a week for the rest of your life (roughly a quarter million bucks a year) you will eat well until you die – THEN – someone you designate will inherit your five thousand bucks a week until they die of too many cheeseburgers.
The other night as my wife, the lovely and ever looking ahead, Dawn, and I were watching Wayne Brady for the 737th time that evening, she turned to me and said, “If I win the five G’s a week I will name you to get it all after I die.”
While honored by her generosity I had to speak up.
“My everlasting Love, I would hope that you would bequeath that money over to one of the younger family members – not someone who is eight years older than you. The financial odds are not too good that way.”
“Oh, yeah, I see your point.”
The Family is blessed with a bunch of young people who, God willing and the Creek don’t rise, will be around for a long time. My Mother-in-Law is 98 years old and going strong so the genetics are not on Wayne Brady’s side.
Not wanting to wait until that first weekly check hits the mailbox I figure that we should think this all through now before the balloon festooned van shows up in our driveway.
There is much that is positive…But there is also a paranoid dude’s Dark Side.
Being the guy that I am and heeding the style of much that I write – murder, mayhem, and just plain nastiness, I can see things going horribly wrong.
What if…?
Deep within the genetic crevasses of the Family there is that one person who charms his or her way onto the paperwork that names them as the heir to the weekly candy dish. And what if this fortunate soul has a bloodthirsty frontal lobe that doesn’t like the idea of having to wait until my lovely Dawn buys the farm?
Unfortunately I can see Wayne Brady being an unaware accomplice before the fact in a murder. It could happen.
I just never thought that I would look upon Wayne Brady with fear in my heart. All that I can do now is to start looking at all of the youngsters in the family with a leery eye – the little sneaks.
Down the Hall on Your Left 