Hello I Must Be Going
LIFE CAN BE NASTY, BRUTISH AND SHORT – depending on your neighborhood and what you eat. Even if you eat right, work and play well with others, and don’t take up burglary for a hobby, you are going to die. There is no escaping that fate – unless you know the same secret that George Hamilton knows. I think that he is about 300 years old and still looks pretty good – better than me that’s for sure. But at some point in the future even George is going to buy the farm.
Early last week as I was sittin’ and sippin’ my morning coffee I looked up from my cup and out of the window. It was early – about 6:55 AM. It was still dark and drizzling outside.
At that time of day there is not much traffic. The only people on the road at that time are the Police, Geezers going out for their coffee, and Fed Ex drivers. That’s about it, but that’s not what I saw pass before my bloodshot eyes.
It was 6:55 AM and cruising through my field of vision was a funeral procession.
What? Say that again, Krafty.
You read that correctly the first time.
Leading the way was a cop car with flashing lights running interference, blocking the intersection, followed by your standard issue big black hearse. In a slow moving line after the hearse were about twenty cars all with those little funeral flags on their hoods.
I’ve seen a lot of these funeral “follow the leader’ processions in my life. I’ve driven slowly in a number of them – more every year as I approach my own takeoff time. My only question about this one was, and is,..
Who?
Who?
Who has a funeral at 6:55 AM, in the dark and drizzle?
At that time of day (Night) is this really a funeral or are they really disposing of evidence? Is that hearse empty and all of those people are part of some crazy cult going grave robbing?
Probably not.
After my eyes adjusted to the shock I put on my thinking cap. It screws on nice and tight since I got my hair cut.
The results of my thinking –
Question: Who gets buried at 6:55 in the morning?
Answer: A Vampire
Reasoning: A Vampire who has bitten the Big One needs to be buried before the sun comes up or there will be no mourners (other Vampires) present.
There! That is the obvious answer. Nobody else that I can think of would do something like that. I’m not counting the guy who got caught breaking into a neighbor’s house one morning at about 4 AM. His funeral was more impromptu and not as well attended.
Some people have suggested that this was a “Mob” funeral conducted at that odd hour to avoid publicity. I don’t think so – not enough in the way of big floral displays, and only one car full of cops. Just watch “The Godfather” to verify all of that.
While others may speculate and offer up other possible scenarios to explain this 6:55 AM funeral I think that my explanation of it all being a Vampire on the way out of town still holds water.
If you have a plausible idea as to why this funeral was being held at such an unusual hour let me know.
Down the Hall on Your Left 