Can I Offer Some Advice?
A few days ago I bumped into something online that snapped me back to my youth. Well, not my youth specifically, I never read the “Ladies Magazines,” but my mother did.
In 1958 McCall’s Magazine, which billed itself as “The Magazine of Togetherness,” published an article that if printed today would have activists marching in the street and people being fired at the magazine.
“129 Ways to get a Husband”
When I saw this my first thought was, “Why 129? How come number 130 didn’t make the cut and number 6 did?
#6 Read the obituaries to find eligible widowers.
Were the women of 1958 so desperate that they needed a list to help them go trolling for husbands? I don’t know – I’m just asking.
#35 Make a lot of money.
Ok, that would work, but you might only attract deadbeats looking for a meal ticket.
#63 European women use their eyes to good advantage. Practice in front of a mirror.
That is just spooky.
#84 If he’s a fisherman, learn to scale and clean fish.
Don’t they teach that in schools anymore?
When I see an article like this it makes me think that I should put together one called “129 Ways to get a Wife.” I admit that it might entail drinking a lot and putting my life in jeopardy, but I bet I could come up with some real winners.
#37 Don’t play with your knife while talking about your “Ex.”
That “129 ways” list was from a different time. McCall’s also included in every issue a page of “Betsy 
McCall Paper Doll” cutout doll clothing. This particular issue also carried an article by John F. Kennedy before he became President. This bizarre combination of content impresses me as being rather schizophrenic. JFK, Paper Dolls, and tips on getting a man by hiding your real personality.
Yeah, this is the kind of thing I could write without breaking a sweat. I don’t think I would stretch it as far as ‘129 Ways.” People are more impatient these days. Maybe a maximum of “99 Ways” would be sufficient. There’s no sense in pushing my luck.
#87 Get her drunk to see how well she holds her liquor.
I have included the entire list from the McCall’s Magazine so you can look it over and see if there might be something in there that you can use.
If you do…I’m sorry.
If I did write that I’d be running for my life.
Down the Hall on Your Left 
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This is hilarious, John! However, I know a young lady of 84 who keeps begging everyone she talks to to find her a husband. She, and many other young ladies of that generation, do not feel complete without a husband. They might still have to learn how to scale a fish, if a man brings his catch home, rather than buys it in Publix, but the first thing they had learned in their childhood was a concept of catching a man.
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84? She might end up “Robbing the Walker.”
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As long as she is not robbing the cradle…
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I don’t know, Babe… #33 seemed to do the trick!
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