Hey, Herbie! Look Behind You!

 

I DON’T DO SELFIES. I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE. Why compound the issue? There is a big enough supply of pictures of me out there floating in the ether.

A few years ago my wife, the lovely and much more photogenic, Dawn, and I toured the National Parks of the Southwest. We took pictures of the Grand Canyon, Antelope Canyon, and the rest. We did not take pictures of ourselves. I saw her there and she saw me – that was proof enough.

Obviously nice panoramic pictures of the canyons are not enough for some people. Wherever we went there were legions of tourists grabbing their “Selfie Sticks” and taking snapshots of themselves with their backs turned on the vista they came there to see. Some of those folks had themselves perched on the edge of cliffs overlooking long tumbles to the canyon floor. One tiny misstep and that would have been a selfie worth taking.

I read recently that more than 250 people have been killed while taking Selfies. Falls, Drowning, Accidental Shootings, and even killed while trying to get that cool selfie with a lion. If you have a strong tummy and no lunch plans here is a link to that tourist becoming lunch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yV-q0HuD6rg

It may sound callous and hard-hearted, but…I find it hard to feel sympathetic for those dearly departed. Go ahead – Get out of your car and walk up to a wild animal that looks at you as a meal wearing shoes. Jump in front of a train and take a picture of your internal organs going in one direction while the rest of you is going in another.

Hi! I’m out here on the edge.

You Tube has a ton of videos purporting to show Selfie Deaths. Most of them are just too staged looking to be real. They are like bad Community Theater. The only thing missing is off key singing and cattle drive choreography. Y’know, singing and dancing like I sing and dance.

I don’t get it – why people go through all that effort and some real risk to make a pretend accident that looks as phony as a politician’s promises. You’re not going to beat reality. Real life is more dramatic and scary than anything made up after a few beers. Oh, well.

Some people. Of course, I know that some other people say that about me. That’s fair. Mutual grousing.

When I say that I have never taken a selfie I mean “intentionally.” I don’t think I can really count those close-ups of my thumb or knee as I grab for my phone as it slips from my hand. Given the potential gruesome death that might follow any attempted Selfie I think I’m going to forgo the entire matter. I’ll either have some complete stranger take my picture and let them assume the risk, or I’ll wait until I get beck home and then Photoshop myself into the picture.

My mama didn’t raise no fools. A couple of whining neurotics maybe, but no fools.

 

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