Every Home Should Have One

I KNOW THAT IT IS A MATTER OF TASTE, but let’s be honest – with some people all of their taste is in their mouth. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

No, I say that, but I don’t really believe it.

What has me all a-twitter today is the subject of lawn ornaments.

We don’t have any lawn ornaments. We have trees which really aren’t the same thing. The truth is that I can take a five minute drive around our ‘hood and see a variety of eye-belching things sitting on people’s lawns

Not far from us is a nice home that has two obviously fake deer seeing to graze on the lawn. The deer look like they were a grade school Art project made by kids with no talent. Then there is the house with the old shiny ball sitting on a pedestal. I’ve seen these things for decades and I still don’t get it. A couple of blocks away is a house with a trio of fake Canadian geese on their lawn. Why? Another quarter mile away is a city park that is overrun with the real thing.

What brings all of this to mind is a place down in Texas near the family homestead. It is a place that sells lawn ornaments. They have anything you could imagine…and then some. We drive past this place every time we are going in or out of town. I have been meaning to stop there for years to take a couple of pictures. This last trip there I did it.

Want a full size Buffalo grazing on your grass? They have it. An Elephant? No problem. You can equip your own fake menagerie from this place.

My favorite item that they carry is out there right by the front gate: a full size Gorilla. It has become sort of their trademark. Visitors and passerby are greeted by this Gorilla. It is not just standing there in all its furry glory No – the owners of the Gorilla paint it to celebrate holidays and the seasons.

Below is the Gorilla celebrating Summertime clad in a “Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.”

At Christmas it will be dressed up as Santa of Rwanda.. Fourth of July? “Uncle Sam” as you’ve never imagined him before. I’m going to have to get a full album of pictures, but for now I just have the Bikini picture.

The worst thing I’ve ever seen displayed on someone’s front lawn was one of our neighbors when I was a kid. The owners had a plumbing business and with some misguided sense of good neighborliness decorated their lawn with toilets filled with geraniums. There was talk of having an accidental fire, but nothing came of it. One of the other neighbors did lose control of his truck one night, but nothing was ever proven. I think if the Gorilla had been there dressed as a plumber (with butt crack) things might have gotten very ugly very fast.

I’d like to know how many of those Gorillas have been sold and how close they are to us.

I feel that the only way to close this blog today is to give you the song that must have inspired the owner of the bikini clad Gorilla.

Go have a banana.

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