Thanks For Playing Our Game!
If I am not deranged I am sure that a few years ago there was a legislative stink that resulted in a “No Call List” law that was set up to stop all of these annoying and unsolicited telephone calls.
It didn’t work, did it?
While most people look upon these calls as strictly a pain in the landline, I also consider them a source of entertainment. Cheap, Easy and Mindless Entertainment – much like the people on the other end of the line.
My wife, the lovely and telephonically impatient, Dawn, just hangs up on them. I can’t let them off that easy. It’s like fishing: I want whatever I have on the hook to put up a fight and not just give up and flop into the frying pan.
“Hello, is Linda there?”
“Yeah, hold on. Is that Linda over there in the corner? Yeah? Get that needle out of her arm and drag her over here. She’s got a call. Hang on dude; she’ll be here in a second.”
“That’s OK, maybe you can help me. I represent the…”
“Yeah, hold on. What? She’s what? Oh, crap. I’m sorry, guy, but Linda ain’t coming to the phone no more.”
I have learned that I am not the only person who likes to yank the chain on these telephone phonies. One of the Usual Suspects at St. Arbucks has come up with a couple of good ways to detach the selling fervor of the clowns making these irritating calls.
“Hello, may I speak to Debbie?
(Pause)…I’m sorry, but Debbie, my wife, passed away a week ago.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“I’m trying to get myself together…and you call her and twist that knife in my heart (Sobbing.”
That’s good – a bit cruel perhaps, but then, I really don’t care.
Does this all sound like I’m being cruel and abusive? Does it? Yes? Good, that’s my objective.
These telephone solicitors are running scams and would savage my bank account if I went along with them. They do cheat many trusting people. So…buckle up cowboy here I come.
Sometimes you just know that when that phone rings at suppertime that it is going to be one of those Mini-Minded Fraudsters. At times like that I cut loose with my “Confusion-Master” response.
The phone rings. I answer with:
“You’re caller Number Nine and you are on the air here at the Big CKLW – The Rock and Roll Voice of Windsor, Ontario! Tell us now – What’s your favorite Beatles song? Guess right and you win $5000 dollars! Go!”
Most times they hang up wondering how they could be calling Terre Haute (That’s French for “The answer is, ‘Hey, Jude’.”) and end up connected to a Canadian Radio Station. I did have one guy actually make a guess. I told him that he was wrong and that “Now we will be giving your home phone number to every telephone solicitor in India.
“And Thanks for playing our game.”