Somedays…
“HELLO, MY NAME IS JOHN AND I’M A LUMP”
“HI, JOHN.”
That’s how I would introduce myself at a meeting of “Lumps Anonymous.” Some days are like that. Yesterday was one.
I don’t want to say that I had a lack of energy, but I felt the need to put a mirror up to my own mouth just to be sure that I was still breathing. Rolling out of bed was easy. It was the getting up off of the floor that took a while.
Somehow I was able to get myself close to my coffee at St. Arbucks. I was tempted to have them put it in an IV Bag for me. It would have been more convenient that way.
Yesterday, most of my morning was filled with the struggle to keep my eyes open and focused. It was not an easy time and there are gaps in my memory. Was I really driving or was that something on the TV? Either way I did get there and home safely.
I napped several times during the day. “Several times” – that sounds better than using the word “Coma” like my wife was suggesting. I’m not going to quibble over semantics.
I do remember lunch. I don’t remember eating it, but I do recall an empty plate with crumbs being in front of me at some point. It was not uncomfortable and it did keep my head from actually being on the table. That would have been so undignified and, as you all know, I am a stickler for dignity and stuff like that there.
I think part of my problem yesterday was that I spent too much time sitting in the Rip van Winkle Memorial Chair. You could pump me full of caffeine and force feed me a case of that Red Bull stuff then drop me in that chair and I guarantee that within three minutes I would be sawing logs. It has that effect on me. I started out the day a little bit drowsy and that chair erased the line between, “Have a nice day” and “Call me in the morning.”
I don’t like having days like yesterday. On most days I have things that need doing. There are chores to complete and errands to be run and if I am going through the day holding open my eyelids with Gorilla Tape the quality of my work suffers.
Jicama
Don’t send me to the supermarket when I am only half awake. I might have a list, but when I come home I’ll still have that list, but I’ll also have three bags filled with God knows what. Who buys $22.00 worth of Jicama? What is Jicama? If you want some let me know.
Tonight I will go to bed nice and early. I will eat a light dinner and not drink too much after 8 PM so I don’t have to make 42 trips to the bathroom during the night. I don’t want to take any sleeping pills or anything like that. I am a child of the 1960s and in many ways I consider myself “Mr. Natural.”
So tomorrow morning I will wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed rather than the opposite like yesterday.
Keep on Trucking.
Down the Hall on Your Left 