But…But…I Love You
HERE I AM SITTING IN A SMALL TOWN when I know that my fame and fortune lies in the Big City with Bright Lights. You know, some place like Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Albuquerque, aside from being the only city with two “Qs” in its name, seems to be a really “Happening” place. After all, wasn’t the hit TV show “Breaking Bad” set there? And so is “Better Call Saul”- my personal favorite. Albuquerque seems to be the place to be. It is also the home of a World Record Holding Crazy Person.
Not all your Stalkers are in L.A. chasing the likes of Lindsay Lohan or Tom Selleck, or me. No. The busiest Stalker I’ve ever heard of calls Albuquerque home. At least she will until some Judge sends her off to the Bubble Factory for some heavy duty therapy and drugs.
When the now regretful Linda Murphy falls for a guy, she falls big time.
It appears that she met “Billy” and decided that he was the man of her dreams – and his nightmares.
After three weeks their relationship didn’t seem to be working out and Billy wanted to call it quits. Linda didn’t – not by a long shot.
According to the police reports, Linda is accused of telephoning Billy – get this – an impressive 77,639 times IN ONE WEEK! When Billy didn’t answer her calls she also sent him 1937 E-mails, 41,229 Text Messages, and 647 letters. To top it off she also managed to send him 217 Singing Messages.
I wonder what she did in her spare time?
She also faxed Billy 144 times. Who has a Fax Machine anymore?
Her lawyer says that Linda has a problem with Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior.
NO S—T, SHERLOCK????????
77,639 Phone Calls? And I think I’m a little compulsive when I stay up late reading.
I am impressed with Linda Murphy. Some smart guy ought to hire her to work on an assembly line or as a telephone solicitor. (No! Forget I ever said that!)
Obviously Linda never sleeps and has an astounding energy level. What does she eat for breakfast? She must down a hundred cans of Red Bull an hour Red Bull might give you wings, but it gives Linda the energy of a B-52.
If Linda ends up in prison for her passionate pursuit of Billy I predict that she will not be voted the “Most Popular Convict” on the cellblock. She would monopolize the telephone and probably stay up all night singing sad prison songs.
Someday, when they write the history of Albuquerque, and they will, they will tell the story of Linda Murphy and Billy. They might even make a movie about them and their love. It’ll probably star Miley Cyrus. Or Kim Kardashian. Or Helena Bonham Carter. Or Lady Gaga. Or Bjork. Or Parker Posey. Or Christina Ricci. Or Tilda Swinton. Or Drew Barrymore. Or maybe even Charlie Sheen.
Down the Hall on Your Left 
Hilarious!
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