Look Into My Eyes
YOU KNOW ME. I’m a pretty easy going guy. I really don’t care how you choose to live your life – as long as you don’t scare the dog or foul the footpath. If you want to have blue hair and walk around all day wrapped in aluminum foil like a baked potato I say – Go for it. I’m cool with it as long as you don’t expect me to chip in to help you buy your supply of Reynold’s Wrap.
In my personal opinion, there are too many laws trying to regulate how people want to live their lives. Part of that is because there are too many lawyers, but that is an issue for another day.
What brings all of this slithering into my brain today is that I just learned of a new law here in Indiana that went into effect on the first day of July. I must have been out of town or in a jelly donut coma when this new law kicked in.
It is now illegal in the State of Indiana to get your eyeballs tattooed. Not around your eyes like an eyeliner or mascara – no, I’m talking about tattooing the eyeball itself. The part that is usually white, except on Monday mornings.
Go ahead and cringe for a minute. I’ll go get a refill until you stop shaking and covering your eyes with your hands.
Better now? Good.
When I first heard about this new law I was unaware that such a thing as eyeball tattooing even existed. Apparently our fine legislators in Indianapolis hang out with some rather strange people. What do they do on weekends that they knew about this activity and felt the need to outlaw it? Kinky little devils we have there making laws.
I know a lot of people. I know a lot of people who have tattoos. I even know someone who owns a tattoo shop (She is in California where it might still be legal to tattoo your eyeballs, but use a plastic straw and you are headed to San Quentin.). No one I know has anything tattooed on their eyeballs. I’m sure I would have noticed. They may have “Tats” on just about any other place you’d care to imagine, but eyeballs? No.
Last night I put on my Thinking Cap (A gift from my wife) and slipped into research mode. The following pictures are a few samples of what I uncovered.
Exhibit Number One: This gal with the blue eyeballs is a reasonably cute young lady, but I would have serious trouble getting all romantic and gazing into her eyes for more than five seconds. Her eyes no longer look real. It makes her look like she is a plastic doll made in a sweatshop factory in North Korea or someplace. It is also going to get in the way when she goes in for a job interview. It is just a little spooky.
Now for this next guy, Exhibit Number two: What can I say? I’d like you to meet my friend Satan. You cannot get your eyeballs tattooed like this without having the intention of creeping out everyone you will ever meet. Someday, when he gets into his Forties or thereabouts and he needs glasses, would you like to be the person trying to help him pick out a pair of glasses? Not me. I can imagine that the only job he might hold would be at the Complaint Department somewhere.
I may be wrong, but I’ll bet that he goes by the name “Beelzebub.”
Exhibit Number Three: Well… This guy is just clueless. “I have a wandering eye, so I think I’ll do what I can to accent that.” I wonder what he puts on his ID in the space for “Eye Color”? I suspect that he did this just to upset his parents. They must be so proud.
I don’t know where any of these characters live, but as of July 1, 2018 it isn’t in Indiana.
To end this all on a positive and pleasant note I have decided to attach a link to a nice musical performance.
Please enjoy Crystal Gayle singing her hit, “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue.”