A “Green” Solution
The way the Chapel is constructed with doors on opposite sides of the store there is a constant flow of air and flies passing through. With a setup like that and an endless supply of retired geezers hanging out with nothing productive to do you have the perfect ambiance for “The Killing Machine.”
Give those geezers a copy of the local newspaper and the flies don’t have a chance. Just the other day our resident Pickle Ball Champion bagged 14 flies in less than fifteen minutes. It was like watching the legendary 300 Greek Spartan Warriors slicing up those pesky Persians – without all the leather skirts, and in English.
I could see why he was a champion even at 80 years of age. His backhand swat was quite impressive. The flies never saw it coming.
I figured that, while entertaining, this daily slaughter, was noisy and exposing a basic hygiene problem. That place saw more flies than Centerfield at Yankee Stadium. There had to be a better solution than watching Senior Citizens running around with rolled up newspapers feeling their Blood Lust for the first time since they were young and dating the Girls Field Hockey Team from Purdue.
I felt that I had to step in and be helpful – like always.
I approached the Manager with the idea of a Bounty Hunter Reward System – kill ten flies and get a free cookie. Show him twenty flat flies and have a free coffee. For some reason he didn’t like my idea. That man sometimes shows a severe lack of imagination.
Since he didn’t appreciate my very creative idea I then asked him why he didn’t just put up some of those “Pest Strips” that hang down from the ceiling and are quite effective. He said that “The Suits” in Seattle said, “No.” They didn’t like the idea of installing a couple of those electronic bug zapper gizmos either.
Those people on the Left Coast don’t seem to understand the severity of the situation. How is it going to look when one of those elderly customers flatlines while chasing a fly around the store? What are they going to do then – force a triple espresso down his throat in the hope of kick starting his heart again?
When it became obvious that the more high tech solutions to the fly infestation weren’t going to be employed I offered up a classic, very “green” and low cost, yet effective, answer. Do what they do in Florida – go out and buy a few of those small green lizards and turn them loose in the Chapel. Those little green bastards will eat like Kings and the fly population will plummet.
I try to be a helpful customer. There is a problem and I feel compelled to offer up some solutions. I don’t know why they don’t ever listen to me. It’s not like I suggested that they drop a Neutron Bomb on the place.
Don’t tell anybody, but I stopped in the Dunkin’ Donut place yesterday – no flies, and I did see a pair of little beady eyes staring at me from the corner – and it wasn’t a customer.
If you catch my drift.