You Didn’t Know I Could Dance
THINGS ARE LOOKING UP. With the start of good warm weather and some rain all of the flowers are blossoming and the lawns are green. I have noticed that when Nature begins to spruce up and make itself more attractive and clean looking the people around town start making efforts to do the same.
For example – I noticed this morning that the local Starbucks has replaced the window with the bullet hole. I’d say that is a big step forward.
In our neighborhood things are looking up as well. We have a new roof on the house; the little old lady across the street has planted a lot of new flowers and trimmed her shrubs.
Another major improvement is that our neighbors next door are moving to Florida. (Let us all stand while we play “The Hallelujah Chorus” and do a little dance.)
I do admit that I am sorry to see their dogs leave town, but when it comes to the human occupants – not so much. The dogs were pleasant, convivial, and remarkably sane. I can’t be so generous when it came to the bipedal residents.
They all moved in about five years ago when Mommy and Daddy got married and welded two families together – The Munsters and The Addams’ if you ask me.
The Father had a daughter who was a student at Indiana University in Bloomington – only about an hour away. I think she was majoring in Coming Home every other day and making out with her boyfriend on the hood of her car.
Oh, those kids!
She never did learn how to park that car so she wasn’t two feet away from the curb. Maybe she and boyfriend needed the extra room. Now that her parent(s) are moving to Florida I don’t know if she will be going with them. Her driving skills will fit right in down there in The Sunshine State.
Mommy’s child is a young boy of about 11 or 12 who was always rather shy. He always had a look on his face that seemed to be asking, “How soon can I legally move out of here?” Nice kid, just a bit spooky. Keep your eyes on that one I suggest.
Daddy seemed to be a relatively nice guy who spent most of his waking hours at home putting up a much too large above ground swimming pool, erecting a Gazebo, and creating a Fire Pit. Their back yard was not big enough for all of that. The dogs barely had room to squat.
I say that I am glad that they are moving to Florida for two reasons.
- They will be far away when the boy goes postal and kills them all. And
- Mommy is a freaking lunatic. I’m being gentle with my diagnosis.
On a couple of occasions I spotted her wandering around in our backyard at night. I should have left well-enough alone, but…
I went outside and asked her if she was OK and could I help her. It took me about 4.37 seconds for me to have a flashback to my days in San Francisco’s Haight/Ashbury neighborhood. Mommy was either drunk, stoned, or communicating with the elves. Her speech was slurred, she lurched rather than walked and she was barely aware of my tangible presence. When she did pick me up on her radar she became agitated and wanted to know what I intended to do about all of those dead bodies that were all over my yard.
I let that slide. There wouldn’t be any satisfactory answer anyway. I did suggest that she might want to go home. Thankfully, she did.
So, you can now see why I am doing my Happy Dance.
Oh dear. I guess you can’t pick your neighbours. I only hope the new folks are not worse!!
That is a hilarious telling (going postal, communicating with elves, etc.) of people and events that are far from funny. Thanks, John. I will sing a chorus of Hallelujah for you.
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It’s either laugh or scream.
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Their brother-in-law must live next door to me. His wife finally divorced him after two kids (the second one to see if it would improve the marriage-ha!) and an assault. His house was forcloses, then auctioned. The new owner has a court order eviction so the scam artist has to be out April 10. Yes, this past April. So, now he can add ‘squatter’ to his résumée (I added the accent marks to make something in this. Moment look classy, because this door ain’t ) I loved your story.