Tomorrow Is Only A Day Away…Or So
AT LEAST IT DIDN’T HAPPEN TO ME. I’m sure it will someday so I’ve been taking mental notes on what to do.
Dawn’s phone died. Dead. Cold – instant paperweight status. One moment it was there, chirping along as happy as could be passing on those twisted brain spasms from complete strangers, recipes and pictures of whatever they are eating for lunch. One nanosecond later it was nothing more than a speedbump on the desktop.
My first thought was that the battery had died and taken everything with it. I’ve had that happen. All I had to do was pop out the battery, put in a new one, and I was back in business. UNFORTUNATELY, Dawn’s phone is a super modern unit with a “Non-Replaceable Battery.” To me that sounds like a bit of planned obsolescence at work there. There is not even any little handy notch so you can open up the back of the phone and look at all that stuff you don’t understand.
Note to Self #1: never buy a phone with a non-replaceable battery.
My wife, the lovely and not going to take this lying down without a fight, Dawn, then proceeded to contact “Customer Service” online via computer seeking a remedy or a cure. She would have had better luck at Fatima. After a back and forth conversation with an alleged real person on the other end it became apparent that the only solution (BIG SURPRISE) was to buy a new phone.
Buying a new phone over the internet, it seems to me, to be the ultimate in buying a pig in a poke, assuming you are familiar with that old caveat emptor. It is laying out good money for something you have never really seen or held in your hand. No one has answered any of your questions or explained that new Mephistophelian Service Contract that you are getting. There is no way to rescue anything from your old, now decomposing, phone and save it to your new phone short of getting your old Scouting knife from the garage and filleting that dead fish to try to retrieve that memory chip or something.
Note to Self #2: Save NOTHING on my phone other than my score from playing Spider Solitaire. Back up everything in at least nine places.
Her phone has now been ordered and the solemn vow from Customer Service, more sacred than those of Matrimony, The Priesthood, and the EPA Gas Mileage on your new car combined, says that her new phone will be here the next day.
Cut to THE NEXT DAY – an email is received trumpeting the good news that her phone has been shipped, is on the way, and will arrive… TOMORROW.
Note to Self #3: Never order a kidney through Customer Service.
So now the wait begins. What does the word “Tomorrow” actually mean? Is the International Date Line somehow involved? How many totally useless Apps will be loaded on the new phone?
I bought my last phone from some shady looking kid at Best Buy. I knew what I wanted walking in, but it still took me two hours to get out of there. It was frustrating to be sure, but when I walked out of there and headed to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch I had a box in a plastic bag with my phone inside it. I just consider myself Non-Tech Savvy enough that I am too suspicious to try to do anything through Customer Service.
Note to Self #4: Keep the Landline.