Movin’ On up!
OH, BOY – HERE WE GO AGAIN. I got a phone call from one of my Doctors yesterday. I had been hoping that, maybe, he’d forgotten about what he had told me when I saw him last week.
“It’s been 10 years and I think that you need to have another Colonoscopy.”
Oh, Freakin’ Goody.
It has been ten years and I still have the pictures to prove it – a nice half dozen color photos of my nether regions.
“Oh, look, Honey! Here’s our Christmas card for this year.”
That was what Dawn said when the Buttoscope operator handed her the snapshots. According to my Doctor it is time for a new page in our Family Album.
Having been down that road before (or rather UP that road before) I know what to expect. Unless the Technology and Procedures have changed in the last decade I know that I am going to spend a couple of days very close to home before the procedure itself.
There will be laxatives powerful enough to clear out collapsed coal mines or rid the country of gophers. No wonder my pictures were so clear. If you look closely enough you could probably tell that I was smiling.
I was smiling, but not out of any feelings of glee or agape with the human race. No, I was smiling because I was drugged up like it was 1968 all over again. I felt next to nothing.
A Colonoscopy is not actually a painful procedure, but they got me so stoned that they could have opened me up with a shoehorn and a soup spoon and I would have grinned.
My detailed memories of ten years ago may be a bit fuzzy, but I clearly recall hearing a female voice
from behind me asking, “Are we all ready, Sir?” I assumed that she was talking to me, so I answered her. “I think we should at least have dinner and a movie first.” She ignored me.
Yeah, it was just like 1968 all over again.
Ten years ago I was heavily drugged and pumped up with warm air. I was like the “Underdog” balloon in the Macy’s Parade. Pictures were taken. None of them were “Selfies.” At least I never saw any. Who knows what might be framed and hanging on someone’s wall.
Ten years ago everything healthwise was clear as a factory whistle. I’m going to assume that nothing has changed in the last decade. One has to think positively when you have a complete stranger wearing a mask looking up your butt.
If the Colonoscopy crew can do this and still have lunch so can I.
This time I might post the pictures up on Facebook. Of course, I’ll do a little “Photoshopping” on them first. How about my colon wearing a Clown hat? Oh! Oh! I know what to do! I’ll take one of the photos and add a pair of eyes peeking around the corner.
That should go over big with Zuckerberg and Company.
You are the only person I know that can make this a laughing matter!!
Now THIS is funny, John!! ” a complete stranger wearing a mask”! Funny!! The whole thing made me laugh out-load, and pass the blog along, to family and strangers alike. Good job……and Good Luck.