“A Blowtorch In The Wind”
WHAT IS GOING ON IN SEATTLE? It is still the middle of the night out there, but I’m sure that somebody must be at the St. Arbucks corporate wheel. For three days now they have been piping in almost non-stop Elton John songs into this store in Indiana.
Three days of an Elton John-a-thon and as soon as I mentioned it to the Barista here in Terre Haute (That’s French for “I’m Still Standing.”) the Elton John music came to a screeching halt and was replaced by something for your “Pickin’ and Grinnin’ Pleasure” – some serious country music with banjos and such. That lasted for all of ten minutes and then “Tiny Dancer” signaled a return to the Elton John Extravaganza. My guess is that whoever is the big Reggie Dwight fan had to go to the bathroom and his Cousin Lemuel, visiting from Grinders Switch, Tennessee changed the playlist. When Lemuel’s cousin returned from the Euphemism so did Mr. John.
After three days I felt that I had to take action. I was going to be Proactive! When it comes to music I’m not fussy, but still…three days?
I grabbed my phone and opened up the Starbucks App. After a couple of minutes I was able to find the correct place where I could contact Seattle.
I was very polite as I typed my message. Polite, but forceful as I asked them what in the heck was going on. Three days of Elton john is more than most people can endure. Doesn’t the Geneva Convention on War Crimes say something about stuff like that? After the 32nd playing of “Crocodile Rock” I’m ready to submit myself to Waterboarding just for a change of pace.
I don’t anticipate getting any response from Seattle. It is just past 3:30 AM there and I doubt that they check their Email outside of Business hours. Whoever is in the offices at this hour has got to be the low man on the totem pole. I can’t imagine that anyone would choose to be working at that time of the night – unless you are a Burglar or a Fruit Bat. A Fruit Bat that owns 37 pairs of designer eyeglasses.
I am tempted to come back here later today, mid-afternoon perhaps, just to see if there is anything other than Elton John coming in from Seattle. A little Rosemary Clooney would be nice or even some Tibetan Monks chanting. Anything that isn’t Elton John.
If the choice comes down to either Elton John or Rap – give me “Benny and the Jets 24/7.
Why do I have a headache? Is it too much coffee? Too little sleep? I’m not sure, but my 73rd hearing of “Rocket Man” can’t be helping.
When I asked the barista about it all she told me that the music was piped in from Seattle and she had no control over it. Neither do I apparently. All control is in the clammy hands of some insomniac in the Great Northwest who must have a very strange fantasy life
I have received a reply from Starbucks HQ in Seattle. It was a form letter Email thanking me for my interest and that my comments were being passed on to the “proper department.”
Oh, look – a Unicorn.