Clean Living

 

EATING LAUNDRY DETERGENT? YEAH, THAT’S A GOOD IDEA. Maybe wash it down with a little motor oil. This is proof that some people should not be allowed near power tools or to breed.

When I first saw the stories in the news that some young, hip, and “with it” people are swallowing Tide Detergent Pods – on purpose, I thought, “Nah, this must be some gag article on CNN or someplace.”

The first person to eat that laundry detergent must be obviously stupid, but what can you say about the second person to do so? What was it that convinced that person to join in the fun? Stupid is not strong enough a word. Idiotic? Dumb as a sackful of hammers? Tumble Dry Only?

I know that people literally swallow all sorts of things every year. Buttons, Rocks, even Brussels Sprouts, but Laundry Detergent? It can’t taste very good. I’ve never heard of an Emeril Lagasse recipe that called for, “Just a pod or two of Tide. BAM!”

There must be a reason for someone, anyone, to think, “I’m hungry. Darn, we’re out of Tater Tots. I guess I’ll eat some Tide Pods.”

I know that there has to be, please let there be, some molecule of logic behind all of this. If there isn’t then, like that old episode of “Twilight Zone” called “The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street.” Aliens from another galaxy are doing some mind control in Aisle 9.

I can’t say that I haven’t done some wild and crazy things in my life. I bought a Fiat one time. I voted for George McGovern in 1972, and when I was a kid I mouthed off to a Nun. It was that last one that got me my first taste of soap – Lifebuoy it was.

Getting one’s mouth washed out with soap was almost a Rite of Passage in those days. One good lathering and I learned my lesson. No more soap in my mouth. I guess that was never taught to today’s Tide Tasters. Oh, well, their loss. The Lifebuoy had a nice aftertaste – sort of floral. I can’t imagine that with the Tide Laundry Pods.  I think that the Lifebuoy folks knew that their product served double duty. I doubt that the makers of Tide ever dreamt that anyone would be wacky enough to chow down on their laundry soap. Product planning can only go so far. At some point the Consumer has to be held responsible for his or her own actions. If somebody wants to have detergent for lunch then let them. Just don’t come crying to me when your innards go into the Spin Cycle.

I certainly do hope that this whole thing is a fad, like cramming 37 people into a phone booth. That stunt faded away about the same time that phone booths did. Nobody spends money to buy Pet Rocks anymore either or Rubik’s Cubes. No, now they eat soap.

This too shall pass – I hope.

Eating Tide Detergent Pods?

What’s for dessert – Bounce Dryer Sheets?

Single Post Navigation

← Older Entry

Newer Entry →