To Quote Cary Grant, “Jedi, Jedi, Jedi.”
WE HAVE FALLEN INTO LOCKSTEP with millions of other people and there was nothing I could do about it. We went and saw the new Star Wars movie…Episode MDCXXVII of a planned IX Episode saga. I might be wrong on that number, but not by much.
In this latest picture most of the cast is either dead or looking like they just came out of their XXIII attempt at Detox. In my opinion the Special Effects are not so special looking anymore, but then again, I have cataracts and my glasses were dirty.
My wife, the lovely and rather Jediesque, Dawn, says that we have seen every episode. I do recall seeing the first film in 1977 or 78 or 1492 or whenever, and Dawn did set up a weekend at some point when we ran through a few dozen of the sequel/prequel/nyquil movies in the franchise. Personally, that is all I can testify to. It was all long ago in a galaxy far, far away. Like Cleveland only farther and without good kielbasa and pierogis.
Whenever I bring up the topic of Star Wars someone yells out, “No spoilers! No spoilers!”
Trust me. I couldn’t give you any spoilers even if I wanted to or could because I am so confused that I can’t tell you who did what to whom when or how. Imagine “Game of Thrones” spliced into “House of Cards” with bits of “Duck Dynasty” wedged in. The only thing I could be 
absolutely sure of was that one character who is supposed to be the son of the hero in the first movie, but who is now a Villain/Maybe Hero/ Probably Evil, but Maybe a Future Hearthrob/Emperor – is a dead ringer for the Freak Rock performer Marilyn Manson. When I mentioned my observation everyone looked at me as if I had seen a different movie. Maybe I did. I did get up and go to the Men’s Room a couple of times and I might have wandered back into the wrong screening by mistake. The “Cineplex” did have 37 different screens and after the 23rd light saber duel I sort of glazed over.
The one thing that I can say with absolute clarity is that this movie is LOUD! There used to be a line from another sci-fi movie that said, “In space no one can hear you scream.” I think that is true because of John Williams’ musical score. It was so loud that I had trouble sleeping. If you put me in a dark room in a comfortable chair – I’m gone. I can sleep quite nicely through most Meryl Streep films, but this Star Wars movie was tough sledding. I may have to have a turkey sandwich and go see a Spiderman movie just to catch up.
While “The Force” may be with the people in the movie I think it was a more earthly version that got me into the theater at 11:15 AM. At the end of the movie all I could do was make like Chewbacca and bellow my appreciation. Actually that bellow was caused by the leg cramp I got from sitting through two and a half hours of Star Wars.
So, if you are planning to go see this latest Star Wars movie be prepared for long lines to get popcorn, soft drinks, and Demerol.
Down the Hall on Your Left 