Where Is Mr. Miyagi When You Need Him?
OUR LIFE IS BUSY ENOUGH THESE DAYS what with family business, New Doctors, Old Doctors, and the Christmas holiday season swirling about us like a ten speed blender with the lid off. We don’t need gnats.
Gnats, those little itty-bitty flying critters that come out of nowhere, annoy the heck out of you, and then fly away before you can get a good swat at them. I don’t know how they got in here, but I can tell you where I’d like them to go.
This whole gnat business sprang up from nowhere while we were out of town. We were down in Texas for three weeks and when we came home, unlocked the door and stepped inside – Gnats.
After an initial swing through the house looking for anything that may have lured them inside (No luck there) we began the process of getting rid of them.
And what is the first step on that adventure? Why, Google of course. We scoured the internet looking for a solution somewhere short of thermonuclear war. I was open to that as a definite possibility, but my wife, the lovely and more of a conventional weapons fan, Dawn, suggested that we try something less radioactive in nature. I, of course, agreed. I didn’t really want to disturb our already disturbed neighbors.
We came upon a household chemical solution that held promise. All we needed was a cup, some Apple Cider Vinegar, and some dishwashing liquid. We use the “Dawn” brand, coincidentally, I assure you.
The Recipe: Pour some of the vinegar into the cup. Add a few drops of the dish soap. Cover the cup with some wax paper or plastic wrap. Poke a few holes in the cover and then sit back .We put together several cups and let ‘er rip. The one in the kitchen was quite effective and very quickly. Overnight a dozen or more gnats met their maker in the vinegar.
How that formula works is really pretty cool. The vinegar is a sweet smelling lure. The gnats follow their tiny noses and go into the cup. The dish soap acts on the vinegar – breaking the surface tension so that when the little bastards land on the vinegar they get no support, sink like a rock and drown.
Note: Gnats are lousy swimmers.
Even though we have these traps I am still a proponent of the Ancient Art of Swatting. I find that a folded up copy of Time Magazine works best. It is much better than Sports Illustrated. We swat, but what I’d really like to be able to do – just for my own satisfaction – is to pluck the little SOBs right out of the air with a pair of chopsticks – just like Pat Morita did in that movie, “The Karate Kid.” I’ve never been that adept with chopsticks, but I’d be willing to practice if I could pull off that stunt.
In the meanwhile – if anyone has any ideas that will help us get rid of the rest of the gnats, now and in the future, I’m open to suggestion. All we ask is that your solution not involve high explosives or Devil Worship.