When All Else Fails…
OK! OK! I KNOW WHAT THE DIRECTIONS SAY. I should always eat something when I’m taking my meds. On most morning my iced coffee is enough to buffer the effects of my handful of pills, but things have changed. I’ve started taking something new, on Doctor’s orders, and the game has changed.
My new Doctor has changed my medload and my body has yet to adjust to the altered chemistry in my tummy. When I take the new drug I have to eat something more than coffee or my gastrointestinal tract begins to re-enact the Charge of the Light Brigade.
“Half a league, Half a league, Half a league onward! Into the Valley of Death rode The Six Hundred.
“Cannon to the right of them. Cannon to the left of them. Into the Jaws of Death, into the Mouth of Hell rode The Six Hundred.”
Get the picture?
So – to disarm the battalions in my belly I am now exploring my options in the realm of early morning dining. It ain’t easy.
Some mornings I try to stretch the battle in my intestines until I get home and grab a bagel or some oatmeal. On other days I just have to toddle up to the counter at St. Arbucks for relief. Something. Anything. I need some non-toxic edibles, but I don’t care. I’m not going to be all that fussy. I cannot afford to be finicky when my innards are about to go Karakatoa on me.
One morning I tried to use a simple Cheese Danish as a buffer. I should have known better. On a good day their Danish make my life queasy. Scratch the Cheese Danish.
No, I was going to need something more substantial. I wouldn’t have minded some Prime Rib and Yorkshire Pudding, but at 7 AM that would be hard to rustle up, so I was forced to scrounge around on the St. Arbucks menu.
I tried the Pound Cake. That was a non-starter too. I went so far as to down a banana, but the aroma mixed in with coffee and the pharmaceutical smells and made my stomach gurgle almost at once. One of the Usual Suspects suggested that I try one of the “Breakfast Sandwiches.” I figured it was worth a shot. Well, let me tell you – do not, I repeat, do not order their Chorizo Sausage and Egg thing. My personal review is that it is vile and just aggravated the turmoil in my belly. Maybe under other circumstances, but not when some alien medication is tying my gut into knots.
I tiptoed through the menu trying one thing after another. It was like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or whoever that was, having to kiss a lot of frogs before she got to smooch Prince Charming. Finally I found something that not only tasted pretty good and calmed my internal stormy seas.
I was quite surprised that a “Double Bacon, Cheddar and Egg Sandwich” did the trick. I ran through my banked freebies in a week and started having to actually pay for them with my own money. I don’t like doing that, but if it makes my stomach a place of peace it is worth it.
Nowadays I can be found downing my Breakfast Buffet of Pills, Vitamins, and a Double Bacon, Cheddar, and Egg Sandwich, all washed down with an iced coffee.
If you are ever in the neighborhood stop by. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee or, if you’re polite to me and don’t get violent I may spring for a Cheese Danish.